Adventures of the Clincially Strange
by Dannichu
Summary: Left alone for a week while their trainers go to Pokéschool, the Pokémon of The Lair of Insanity are about to prove how the house got its name...
1. Attack of the Household Objects

**A/N:** Hiya people. This is my (arguably) best fanfic, Adventures of the Clinically Strange (AOTCS if you're feeling lazy). It's very mad, but hopefully funny enough for you to read the other chapters. There will be seven chapters altogether; one for every day Dannichu and Rabid Psycho are away. Madcap adventures ensue :)

I know that all the different Pokémon names are confusing; I'm working on it. Promise.

**Dedication:** To Rabid Psycho (Sarah) for being the best friend ever; this chappy's for you! Oh, and thankies for proofreading this for me. In other words, blame her if the spelling and grammar is bad!

**Disclaimer:** If you had a dollar for every time you saw a fanfic written by someone who doesn't own Pokémon… you'd be a dollar richer right now.

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**---The Attack of the Household Objects---**

It was a peaceful day in The Lair of Insanity, a large, modern-looking house situated on the border between Fortree and Lilycove. Too peaceful in fact; the absence of airborne baked goods and sounds of crashing light fixtures was totally unnerving to the house's inhabitants.

Among the large number of Pokémon who resided in the house was Dracoru the Salamence. He was abnormally intelligent and unlike most others of his species in that he did not like to fly. This resulted in him not gaining wings after evolving from a Shelgon. However, he had the ability to 'summon' a pair of bright red wings from his back should he have the need to fly, but they remained inside his back when they were not needed. It was a mystery to everyone why this happened, it was just part of his evolution, they guessed. From his room in the attic, Dracoru looked up from his book to see if there was any direct reason for the odd silence.

Of course.

Dannichu and Rabid Psycho had gone to the Pokémon School in Rustboro for a week. They could be called "the owners of the house", but only because they were the trainers of the Pokémon who lived there. They had no real ownership of the house (despite the fact the house was bought in Dannichu's name, it was paid for with the resident authoress Charizard's money), in fact, they, Sianne the Raichu and Sarah the Marshtomp were normally the culprits who brought it crashing to the ground. Dracoru sighed, grateful for the rest from having to re-design the house from scratch, but unnerved by the lack of crashes and screams.

"It sure is creepy without Psycho and Dannichu here." Sparky, a Pikachu with ruffled hair, a bite in his tail and a horribly unoriginal name muttered to himself, whilst trying to finish a jigsaw puzzle depicting a pack of Houndour. Across the room from him his best friend Nwacha, an Umbreon with a pair of shades on his forehead, nodded and watched the Pikachu put in the final puzzle piece.

Sparky and Nwacha shared a room in the house which was generally calm and painted with muted colors that were somewhat offset by the presence of hundreds of Pokémon plushies. Sparky adored cuddly toys and collected them, many of them bigger than him.

"It feels empty," Nwacha agreed, "When they left, I was looking forward to the quiet, but it's really unnerving." he sat up and looked around for something to do. "Maybe we should so and see what Sarah and Sianne are up to; it's surprising they've stopped wrecking the house, even if Psycho and Dannichu have left."

They packed away the puzzle and made their way across the corridor to Sianne's room. Sparky knocked on the door and, on hearing a faint "Come in.", entered.

Anybody could recognize the Raichu's room from a mile away. Nwacha actually pulled his shades over his eyes before going in. The walls were painted a fluorescent yellow, with bright pink bedcovers that clashed horribly with the lime green curtains hanging at the opposite end of the room. There were also totally random posters on the wall, ranging from homemade ones reading "CHEESE!" to five-page long articles about global warming she had ripped out of a magazine.

"Nwacha! Sparky! Greetings! " The bright orange electric rodent shouted, before flopping down on her bed. Sarah the Marshtomp, who was also in the room looked up and leaned back against the vivid orange radiator.

Sianne the Raichu was by far the weirdest of the house's inhabitants; ever since her evolution had gone wrong she was permanently happy and very strange. Sarah the Marshtomp was less strange, but had her odd traits; the most noticeable of these being her love of mutating things.

"Hi. Are you bored too?" Sarah asked.

"Really, really bored. In fact so bored I miss you all crashing the house into dust." Nwacha confessed. "Were you doing anything interesting?"

"Not really. We wanted to play Pokémon Colosseum, but Loanlee's barred her door and if we try and break into her room again, we're in danger of getting Bonemeranged." The Marshtomp sighed. Loanlee was a somewhat withdrawn Marowak who suffered from depression and was for some reason fiercely protective of the shared GameCube.

"I have an idea," Sianne said brightly, "who wants to go downstairs and make cheese, chocolate and pineapple pancakes?"

Sianne, to the disgust of most of the house's residents, loved making pancakes with the oddest ingredients possible. The odd thing was that most of them turned out to be very nice. Unfortunately, the components were so odd and random that it was almost impossible to make them again afterwards, as it was difficult to remember all the ingredients.

"Yeah, I don't have anything better to do." shrugged Nwacha and made his way into the kitchen; the Pikachu, Marshtomp and Raichu in tow.

After burning the kitchen several times, Sarah's Muddy Water at hand to put out any large fires and enlisting Wilber the abnormally fat Pidgey's help in removing the odd pancake from the ceiling, they sat down at the dining room table with their pancakes.

"That was fun." Nwacha said through a mouthful of pasta and cheese pancake.

"Yeah, I can't believe I only got three out of five stuck to the ceiling! It's my new record!" Sianne stated proudly.

"And I…" Sarah was interrupted by a loud whirring emitting from somewhere in the kitchen followed by a splatting noise.

Nwacha rolled his big red eyes and went into the kitchen to see what had happened.

"Uh, Sianne, you forgot to unplug the food processor after you liquidized your cucumbers in it." He looked back into the dining room. "And now there's a green mess on the ceiling because you forgot to put the lid on."

Sparky shuddered into his ketchup, banana and lettuce pancake as Sianne leaped past him and entered the kitchen. The usually spotless kitchen was covered with a green mush and in the center was a food processor, spewing even more green goop over the room.

"Whoops."

The Umbreon rolled his eyes again and walked over to the plug to yank it out. On his way to the socket, he trod on an exceptionally large dollop of liquid-cucumber and slipped over, sliding all over the kitchen as if it were an ice-rink. Out-of-control, he did his best to avoid sliding into the food processor, which, having liquidized all the cucumber, was just sitting there, letting its deadly blades twirl around aimlessly. Unfortunately, this only resulted in him getting entangled in the power cord, and when you are on your belly, sliding over the kitchen floor whilst covered from head to tail in liquid cucumber, it is not the best position in the world to be in.

"Ack! Sianne, help!" the Umbreon yelled, trying to use his two non-tangled-up paws to get away from the food processor, which was following him as he was tangled in the power cord. Sianne, seeing her friend was in trouble, and trouble does not get much worse than the situation Nwacha was in, dashed across the kitchen floor and grabbed the food processor away from Nwacha. However, one of the blades nicked the tip of her tail, and the demented Raichu just saw red. She unleashed the most powerful Thunder attack she could on the food processor, the electricity shooting straight through the wire, frying poor Nwacha, who saw what was going to happen a second before it did, but was powerless to do anything to stop it, and up into the main socket, where the processor was plugged in. The socket exploded, sending a shower of sparks over Nwacha, who was yelling in pain from the electricity coursing through his body, and Sianne, who was still trying to give the evil food processor its rightful comeuppance. The processor suddenly began glowing a bright red color, which gradually grew yellow and then white. Sianne failed to notice, instead just laughing evilly at her power over the murderous household object. Nwacha however, saw that the processor was nearing explosive point and managed to wriggle his way out of the extension cord, shake off the extra hundred volts coursing through his fur and dash into the dining room and warn Sarah and Sparky to hide under the table.

Sure enough, after Nwacha had rugby-tackled Sparky to the ground, the kitchen exploded in a massive firework display of electricity, ruining the room completely. When the smoke cleared and dust settled, Sarah, Nwacha and Sparky could just make out Sianne sitting in the middle of what used to be the kitchen floor, but what now bore closer resemblance to a crater, looking slightly charred, holding the remains of a food processor in her paws, still laughing manically.

Upon hearing the massive explosion from the kitchen, Dracoru sighed and looked at the clock on his wall. He had lost the bet he had with himself. It had taken them more than two hours to destroy at least one room without Rabid Psycho and Dannichu. Folding over the page in his book and laying it carefully on his zigzag cushion, he made his way slowly to his Smeargle-style drawing board, took a pencil from behind what would be his ear if he actually had ears and began re-designing the kitchen. So much for the break.

Sparky went over to help the Raichu up from the rubble and lead her into the dining room. Sianne threw down the remains of the food processor onto the blackened floor as a sign of her victory.

"Hah! I rule supremely! Did you see me? That stupid blender thought it could cut my tail and get away with it!" she stuck her tongue out at the kitchen, "Nayh!"

Then they decided it was best to leave the dining room, as it was beginning to smell of charred kitchen so they made their way across the hallway to the living room, where they began fighting over the beanbag. Well, Sarah and Sianne did, at least. The living room was the biggest room in the house, with light blue wallpaper and a large light on the ceiling that looked as if it had once had large weights hanging from it. At the far corner there was a television and next to that was a cupboard labeled "Movies". There was a navy sofa and three matching navy chairs, a coffee table in the middle, a half-red, half-white beanbag that was nearly getting torn to pieces by Sarah and Sianne's tugging and a small Christmas tree in the corner, even though it was Mid-February.

"It's MY turn!" Sarah half-yelled, half-laughed, tugging the beanbag

"No! Miiiiine!" laughed Sianne, trying to yank the Pokéball beanbag off her friend.

Nwacha and Sparky raised their eyebrows at each other and looked in their cupboard full of videos and DVDs for a good film to watch.

"Let's see… we've got Mewtwo Vs. Mew, Pokémon 2000, Pokémon 3, Pikachu's Winter Vacation, Mewtwo Returns, Pokémon 4Ever, Pokémon Heroes, Jirachi Wish Maker, Destiny Deoxys, that one with Mew in, but it's in Japanese… and all those other Pokémon episodes Dannichu taped off the TV. Any preferences?"

"Pokémon 2000!" Sparky said immediately.

"You love that film, don't you?" Nwacha heard the yells had stopped and looked over his shoulder to see a disgruntled Sarah flopped on the sofa and Sianne perched triumphantly on the beanbag giving the peace sign, "I personally like Pikachu's Winter Vacation". It's so festive".

"Yeah, but it's only about half an hour long!" Sarah had hopped off the couch and was looking over their shoulders "I like Heroes."

Sianne dragged herself over to the video cupboard whilst sitting on the beanbag and looked at the videos "Do we have Pikachu's Goodbye taped anywhere? I love that episode!"

"I think we do…" Nwacha began checking the labels of the recorded episodes, but then Hlìn the Charizard entered the room.

Hlìn was one of the oldest of the Pokémon in the Lair of Insanity, and also one of the most intelligent. It was because of Hlìn's writing being published that they could afford to keep rebuilding the house after Sianne and the others' various escapades. While normally calm and even serving a sort of parental figure for some of the younger inhabitants, Hlìn had a somewhat short fuse and greatly disliked being disturbed.

"Do you have any idea of the mess you made in the kitchen?" she asked grumpily.

Everyone looked accusingly at Sianne. "What? Suddenly it's all MY fault?" she said innocently, knowing it was entirely her fault.

Hlìn rolled her slightly odd mint-green lizardlike eyes "I should have known. Let me guess. The food processor did something and you used Thunderbolt on it?"

Nwacha laughed. "Close. She used Thunder."

"So are you planning to watch a video now?"

"Yeah" Sianne picked up "Pokémon Chronicles" and walked over to the DVD player with it.

"Hey! Oh no you don't, we haven't all decided on one yet." Nwacha pulled her back by the tail, resulting in him getting numerous volts of electricity coursing through his body.

Yet again, Sparky held up the DVD after checking that Nwacha was okay. "Do you want to watch a movie with us, Hlìn?" he asked.  
"Yeah, it's been a while since I watched something" she shrugged, "How about Mewtwo vs. Mew?"

"Yeah!" Sparky agreed, putting back Pokémon 2000 and picking up the other DVD. "So can we watch this?"

"I wouldn't mind watching it. I haven't seen if for ages." Nwacha said, he turned to Sarah and Sianne. "What do you say guys?"

"Sure."

"Whoo!"

Sparky went over to the television and turned it on while Sianne relocated her beanbag. Nwacha and Sarah settled down on the sofa and Hlìn grabbed a packet of corn and a bowl from the demolished kitchen and brought it onto the living room and used a light Ember on it until it popped. Sparky grabbed the remote control, went and turned off the lights (he had to jump a few times before hitting the switch, however) and then joined Nwacha and Sarah, who was stuffing her face with popcorn, on the sofa.

About an hour or so later they were about halfway through the film; everyone was quiet and just watching the screen, save for Sparky who had fallen asleep using Nwacha as a pillow, when there was a knock on the door. Not wanting to drag his eyes off the movie (they were at the bit where Mewtwo had just created the super-clones) he just yelled "Come in!" but the knocking continued. Irritated, the Umbreon tried again; "Come IN!" but the constant knocking carried on. Nwacha was really annoyed now. He got up, waking the snoozing Pikachu with a jolt, and walked over to the door. He pushed it open to see nobody there. He glared around to see if anyone was hiding, but couldn't see anyone. "Terra, if that's you, you can come in and watch it with us! Luke? Hypello? Whoever it is, stop it; we're trying to watch a movie here!"

He got no reply, but assumed whoever was knocking had heard. He shut the door, sat back on the sofa, apologized to Sparky and continued to watch the film. Five minutes later, right when the clones were fighting the original Pokémon, the knocking began again. Nwacha looked livid, and Sianne wanted to play detective, so she leaped up decided she should answer it. Sarah seized the opportunity and leaped onto the beanbag the moment Sianne got up. The electric mouse glared momentarily at the Marshtomp before going over to the door and opening it. There was nothing there. The looked around and still saw nothing. Then she heard a kind of clanking noise by her large feet. She looked down and saw something very disturbing; a carbonized, dented food processor with warty green tentacles was 'staring' up at her. Of course, Sianne, being Sianne, was not the least perturbed by this and merely it a death glare "So. We meet again." she said, glowering at the processor.

The food processor stood its ground and just 'glared' up in its eye-lacking manner. Then it gave her the finger, or what she understood as the finger, as it had tentacles, not hands. Furious, she leaped after the mutated household object, screaming hysterically as it sped away from her on its little tentacles.

Upon hearing Sianne's scream of anger and then the loud banging noises that normally occurred when she was chasing something, normally Sarah, through the house, Nwacha paused the DVD and he and Hlìn went to try and clam her down. Sarah began hugging Sparky's Pichu doll and squealing because Nwacha paused it at just the point where Pikachu cries because Ash is "dead". Sparky had once again fallen asleep, this time leaning on his Altaria plushie and sucking his thumb.

"Sianne? Where are you?" Hlìn called, searching through the many rooms of the house, looking for the crazed Pokémon. This was easier said than done, as the house had five floors plus the attic. Hlìn decided that Kerrigan's room was a good place to try as Sianne often liked going in there to annoy the Absol. Kerrigan, or Kerri as she was better known to her friends, was as fashion-conscious as it is possible to be and spent a great deal of her time prettying herself up. Hlìn opened the door to Kerrigan's room to find the Absol putting on eyeliner in front of her mirror. How, precisely, Kerrigan managed to apply makeup with such precision when she had three longish claws instead of hands was beyond Hlìn, and for the rest of the house's inhabitants for that matter.

"Hi Kerri. Have you seen Sianne recently? She was chasing… something." the Charizard pleaded.

"Nope, sorry." Kerrigan shook her head, but in doing so sent a cloud of pink powder all over herself, her table and Hlìn. "Oh! Now look what I've done!" Kerrigan said, while still staring into her mirror. "Maybe Becky or someone has."

The Charizard left, choking on the fine, pink powder. Where to try now? Becky? No, the Jolteon went out on Mondays. Maybe Luke! Yeah, Luke might know. Where would he be? Well, if his kitchen was destroyed, he'd probably be out in the garden. She was about to go back downstairs to find the mild-mannered Zangoose when she heard a loud whimper come from the bathroom. Hlìn made her way to the bathroom, wondering why something would have whimpered. Upon opening it, she found out why; Sianne was hanging from the round bathroom light fixture looking terrified at the floor, which was covered by a whole hoard of household objects, ranging from saucepans to hole punches to a very dented and charred food processor, all sprouting tentacles and waving their various appendages menacingly at poor Sianne. She yelped as the stapler began throwing staples at her. Then Sianne suddenly noticed Hlìn at the door, who was standing open-mouthed at the scene before her eyes.

"Hlìn! Help meeee!" she shouted urgently, whilst trying to stop the tentacled alarm clock reaching her tail.

Upon hearing Sianne's yell, most of the tentacle-bearing objects turned and faced Hlìn. Hlìn gazed at them all, waving handles, screws and plastic coating at her threateningly before scooting after her on their little tentacles. Despite being a great deal bigger than them, they outnumbered her so greatly that Hlìn was terrified and ran away from them, looking around desperately for somewhere to hide. She looked around for a convenient place but saw the objects were catching up with her and she continued running. A particularly fast CD-ROM suddenly leapt past her, spinning around like a circular saw. She screamed and flapped her wings, flying above them. She flew down the stairs and saw with some satisfaction that some of the bits and pieces couldn't make it down all the stairs and had to stay at the top, still shuddering evilly at her. However, more than half were stairs-capable and continued to race after her, their little tentacles pounding. She tore into the living room and slammed the door behind her and leant against it, panting heavily.

"Whatever is the matter, Hlìn?" Sparky asked, waking up from his doze on hearing the door slam.

"There… there are a bunch of things with tentacles chasing me!" she yelled.

Sparky turned to look at Sarah, who was still on the beanbag, hugging the Pichu doll and still transfixed by the television. Sparky sent a light bolt of electricity at Sarah, who was unaffected by the attack, but turned to Sparky and Hlìn. "What?"

"Hlìn's being chased by a load of maniacal, tentacled 'things'." Sarah's expression turned guilty. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about this, would you?"

"What kind of "things"?" Sarah tried not to look blameworthy.

"Well… things, like can-openers and saucepans." Hlìn said, still leaning against the door, which was threatening to break open because the objects were using themselves as battering rams.

"It wasn't me." Sarah folded her fin-arms defiantly. "I've never mutated anything like _th_at… just things like cheese… and slippers… things that aren't metal. The Giga Cells tend to rust them."

"Giga Cells?" Sparky asked, confused.

"Yeah… they're a kind of mutant cell I accidentally discovered after leaving that grapefruit out for a little too long…" Sarah shuddered at the memory, "and they can mutate stuff! But I've never mutated anything metal; I normally use cheese. Giga cheese will someday sell all around the planet!"

"Well there are a whole army of things like that outside this door and torturing Sianne right now, and we need to know who created them!" Hlìn yelled.

Sparky's ears flicked up, like they did when he had an idea. "You went and took the popcorn out of the fridge, right Hlìn?" he asked

"Yeah…" Hlìn said slowly, unsure of what was coming next.

"Did you shut the door properly afterwards?"

"I didn't check. I don't normally, since it has a mechanism that shuts it automatically… unless the Thunder attack…."

"Well then. Maybe the-" Sparky was cut off by Sarah.

"-Giga cheese crawled out of the fridge and carbon-bonded to the food processor!" Sarah shouted "and then the Giga processor went collecting other household objects and transferring cells onto them, making them mutants, too! It's so simple!"

"No it's not." said Hlìn irritably, still barring the door. "It's pointlessly complicated."

Right at that second, the door burst open, almost crushing Hlìn, and entered a stampede of tentacled objects. They went straight to the television and the terrified Pokémon could see the mutated things transferring their Giga Cells onto the TV. The television suddenly grew tentacles and stood up. It 'looked' around and saw Sarah, Sparky and Hlìn and began running toward them. They all screamed and ran out the door.

"This is all your fault Hlìn!" Sarah yelled, trying to outrace a speedy tentacled scanner.

"Mine? Who put the Giga Cells in the fridge in the first place?" Hlìn yelled back.

"Stop it! We need to get rid of these things!" Sparky screamed. It was very rare for Sparky to scream anything.

"Why don't you use Flamethrower, Hlìn?" Sarah suggested whilst running, "Your fire should melt the objects."

"Good idea, Sarah!" Sparky agreed, "Give it a try Hlìn!"

"Okay…" The Charizard took a deep breath, turned around suddenly and fired a massive Flamethrower attack on the objects. They seemed to flail under the heat and intensity of the flames, but one of them, a television remote control, leaped through the fire and hit Hlìn in the jaw. "Ouch!"

"ACK!" Sarah yelled, the tentacled toaster leaping onto her back, trying to burn her. She fired a jet of water at it, and it rolled of, unharmed. It rejoined the stampede of psychopathic objects in their chase.

Meanwhile, Sianne was still trapped on the ceiling by a bunch of the tentacled monstrosities. She tried adjusting her grip on the hot spherical light to prevent herself falling off, but this only resulted in her losing her grasp completely and falling to the floor with a crash. The objects came marching towards her, like a group of army ants, but she leaped up and jumped onto one of the mutant saucepans. From there, she took another well-aimed leap and landed on the scuttling printer. Then she jumped again, this time landing on Dannichu's N64. She continued this until she misjudged one of her leaps and slipped off the CD player and fell onto the floor again. This time the objects closed in around her on their little tentacles, and she braced herself, waiting to feel a thousand mechanical objects beat her to a pulp. Suddenly there was a roar and all the objects "looked" up. Sianne removed her paws from her eyes and looked up to see Dracoru, who had sprouted his wings, as they were needed, and Terra, the perpetually hyper and speedy, yet strangely philosophical Flygon, in the air and preparing to attack the evil items. Sianne used a Thunderbolt on the objects, which made them retreat from her by a few feet and dashed using Quick Attack to the door, where Dracoru was preparing a Flamethrower attack and Terra was whipping up a Sandstorm. Not three seconds later, the Pokémon released their respective attacks together and created a blisteringly hot fiery sandstorm, which melted a couple of the objects straight off. Terra and Dracoru looked at each other, Dracoru grabbed Sianne, put her on his back and flew up a few feet into the air. Terra also flew up, gave the look of building intense power, and then slammed down on the floor. The floor smashed on contact and all the objects fell down into the burnt-out kitchen, where Sarah, Hlìn and Sparky were running from their hoard of maniacal tentacled objects.

"Quickly!" Dracoru shouted, seeing the objects had gotten over their sudden fright and were getting ready to team up with the other Giga -objects and attack together. Hlìn took the hint and grabbed Sparky and sat him on her back. Sarah leaped onto Dracoru's back and all three flying Pokémon flew as high into the air as the bathroom ceiling would allow. They looked down into the kitchen through the hole in the floor and Hlìn and Dracoru used the biggest Flamethrowers they could muster, melting another few objects. Sparky and Sianne made a midair jump (well, Sianne made the jump without a second thought, Sarah had to throw Sparky) onto Terra's back and they together unleashed a huge Thunderbolt down into the kitchen. Dracoru and Hlìn continued with their Flamethrowers and together they created an electrifying inferno in the once-called kitchen. Having finished their electrical attacks, Sparky and Sianne were no longer in danger of hurting Dracoru and Hlìn so they leaped back onto their relevant friends. Terra then flew down onto the melted and frazzled kitchen and began creating what resembled a Sandstorm. The Flygon danced around in a veil of sand before letting it all fall to the floor and immediately flying up with lightning fast agility. The few remaining Giga -objects "looked" questionably at the harmless sand on the floor as if it was some kind of trick. It was. The second they scuttled over to inspect the sand more closely, the sand suddenly became liquid. They sank slowly into the quicksand, waving their little tentacles helplessly in the air. As the last one disappeared into the sandy-mud, all the quicksand disappeared as if it were never there, leaving just a completely charred floor in its place. All the Pokémon gave a huge sigh of relief.

Hlìn, Terra and Dracoru flew down to the ground and the Pokémon on their backs hopped off. Sianne smiled madly; glad she had spent the last three hours not being bored. Sarah wiped her forehead and gaped at the mess in the kitchen. Sparky swore to never make pancakes again.

"So, how did you know I was in trouble?" Sianne asked Terra, who was performing loop-the-loops and Dracoru who was just sitting there.

"This house isn't sound-proof you know." Dracoru said, his wings slowly withdrawing into his back. "We could hear the yells and bashes."

"It was my idea to come and help you, you know." Terra smiled happily. "Wasn't the way I used Sand Tomb great? I've been practicing."

"Thanks" sighed Hlìn, still recovering from using such a powerful Flamethrower, "There's no way we could have gotten rid of all of them by ourselves."

"Well, I hope you learned something from this, Sianne." Dracoru said, looking at the mad Raichu, who was pulling her ears for no reason.

"Oh, sure." She said absent-mindedly, still twiddling her little twisty-things in her ears "Never annoy a food processor. Got it."

Dracoru sighed in the 'why me?' manner that Nwacha used so often and followed Terra up the stairs into their rooms in the attic. As soon as he entered his room, Dracoru made his way over to his Smeargle drawing board and chewed the end of his pencil, his razor-sharp teeth breaking it in half with very little pressure. How to make the new kitchen extra-durable…

Hlìn pointed at the kitchen while looking at Sianne. "Look what you caused! It'll cost loads to re-build the kitchen!"

Sianne looked at the Charizard questionably. "What does that matter? We have loads of money ever since you wrote that book! We have loads of money!"  
"That's beside the point! It's the _principles_ that matter here!" Hlìn shouted, not really angry, but bored again and wanting something to do.

"So… anyone want to order pizza?" Sparky asked cheerfully.

"Yeah!" Sarah and Sianne yelled simultaneously, Hlìn smiling. Sparky grinned and reached for the phone.

"Um… hello? Anyone? Can anyone hear me…?" Nwacha shifted further back on the shelf of the airing cupboard, directly above an irate computer, which had tentacles. "This is the last time I go looking for Sianne…."

--- End of part 1 ---


	2. LEGSIE!

**A/N:** Okay, here's part 2, in all its insane goodness! And believe you me, it IS insane. And to those of you who noticed the absence of a very important character in Chapter 1, don't worry; He'll be appearing in this one!

And if you haven't seen/read Lord of the Rings, this may not make too much sense to you. But you should still find it funny, so I'd recommend reading, even if you might be a bit confused at times.

**Dedication:** To CrazyPika, for being a great friend and for encouraging me to write more of this literary fiasco otherwise known as a "fanfic"

**Disclaimer:** No, I still don't own Pokémon …or Legsie. Woe is me. Oh: I don't own the film "Pirates of the Caribbean" also. Wish I did though; I love that movie so much…BUT WHY IS RUM GONE! Erm, yeah.

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**-- LEGSIE! --**

After the recent total and utter obliteration of the Lair of Insanity's Kitchen, the houses' residents were being forced to cook their food elsewhere… which, when you take into consideration the Pokémon who live in the house, can only mean trouble.

"Sianne…"

"Go away! I almost have it!"

"Sianne… really, I can light the fire in less than a second…" Hlìn the Charizard said, looking pitifully at the scene before her.

"No! Must… create… fire… through… rubbing… sticks… together!" Sianne the Raichu was sitting in the living room desperately trying to make a fire by rubbing two sticks together, creating only a pile of sawdust. Her friends Blaise, Sarah, Bansra, Hlìn and Wilber were watching with mixed expressions of pain and amusement.

"Sianne? That's what you said an hour ago and you haven't gotten anywhere!" Sianne's best friend, Sarah the Marshtomp pointed out, hoping to eat her lunch of noodles before it was time to go to bed.

"I'm making progress! The sticks are warmer than they were!"

"But me or Hlìn could easily light the fire! Why do you feel the need to make it yourself?" Blaise, a Quilava recognizable by her "Flame of Moltres" T-shirt, sighed.

"I'm being independent!" Sarah said happily, not really taking the hint.

"And Sianne… that is GREEN wood! You're never going to make a fire out of that!" Hlìn said, on the point of yelling.

"Watch me!"

"Grrr…" Hlìn just glared at the twigs, which had been practically reduced to little piles of dust and then could take it no longer.

"Hey! Look over there!" She pointed out of the window and everyone turned to look. Hlìn seized the opportunity and spat a tiny ember onto the tip of one of the sticks, which caught fire.

"I don't see anything…" Wilber, the very pudgy Pidgey said, straining his eyes to see anything vaguely interesting out of the window.

"Me neither.." said Bansra, who was a very young and very asthmatic Linoone with pink bows on her ears, "and my eyesight's normally very good…"

"It was… um… a really big Swellow!" Hlìn said quickly. "Hey! Look Sianne! You've made fire!"

"Wow! So I have! I rule! I've created fire! My name will go down in all the history books! I can see it now…'2006: Sianne the Raichu creates fire', I'll be so famous… OW!" Sianne was so taken up in her fantasy she failed to notice that the fire had burnt the entire twig and then burnt her paw. She dropped the twig instantly and waved her hand around, trying to cool it down. Sarah quickly used Muddy Water to put out the fire and then to cool down Sianne's hand. Bansra and Wilber went and got a propane gas camping stove from the basement and brought it up to the living room. Five minutes later, they were cooking food and roasting marshmallows on chopsticks.

"This is fun!" Wilber said, munching happily on a millet spray.

"Yeah, almost as cool as a real barbeque!" Blaise agreed, cooking her mushroom and tomato kebab on her head flame.

"Sarah, you're dripping marshmallow on the carpet." Hlìn pointed, "But since the carpet is in near tatters after all those objects rampaged through here yesterday, I doubt it matters."

Bansra, who was happily eating ice cream from the tub with a spoon, noticed the odd look Wilber was giving her. "What?" she asked, glaring slightly at the Pidgey.

"If you only wanted to eat ice cream, why on earth have you been standing around here for the last two hours while Sianne was 'making fire'?"

The small Linoone looked up, realization dawning on her. "I really have no idea," she confessed, "but it was fun."

"One marshmallow left!" Sarah yelled suddenly, leaping for the bag.

Sianne turned her head and saw it; the last marshmallow, sitting in the bag, in its pink, fluffy marshmallowness. The world seemed to enter slow motion.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Sianne yelled, also leaping for the container.

Both the Marshtomp and Raichu grabbed the bag at the same time, and tried to yank if off each other, tugging this way and that with all their might. Eventually, however, the bag couldn't hold out any longer and ripped right down the middle, sending the marshmallow flying into the air, rotating slowly before beginning to fall to the ground.

Sarah made a jump for it, but Sianne was quicker. She leaped onto the coffee table, off her friends' head and grabbed the marshmallow in mid-air, landing safely on the sofa with it clasped in her paws.

"My precioussss…" she hissed, stroking it lovingly. Sarah, having recovered from having her head jumped on by a slightly overweight Raichu, shook her head and whirled around, seeing Sianne stroking the marshmallow. She made another leap for it, but Sianne saw her in the corner of her eye. The Raichu held the marshmallow between her teeth and leaped upwards, narrowly dodging Sarah, who landed on the sofa. Sianne grabbed the light fixture and swung from it a couple of times, building up momentum, before letting go, soaring through the air, and landing on the navy chair in the corner of the room with a "Tada!" She threw the marshmallow into the air, balanced it on the nose for a few seconds before eating it in one gulp.

Sarah glared at her friend before turning to her noodles and kebabs and eating them instead. Hlìn shook her head and sighed at how this had become normal behavior within the house. Sianne gave her "peace" sign to everyone, marking her victory and turned to eat the rest of her salad. It was gone.

"Ack! Who took my salad?" Sianne yelled.

"What?" Bansra asked through a mouthful of raspberry ripple ice cream, "Why would anyone have taken your salad?"

"I don't know, but it's gone!" Sianne looked around to see if she has misplaced it, "It just disappeared!"

"Eat up Geraldine! It's good for you!" came a voice from nowhere.

"Wha?" Sianne said in utter confusion. "Where'd that voice come from?"

"I think it came from upstairs." Blaise said, putting down her empty kebab stick and going to the door. "The thing is, the voice mentioned a "Geraldine". I just hope it isn't-"

"KADABRA!" Sarah yelled fearfully, pointing at the ceiling.

Kadabra was not technically a resident of the Lair of Insanity. He was the nuttiest thing since sliced bread and drifted around as he pleased, the LoI being his favorite place of residence. He was rarely seen out of the company of his sidekick, a dilapidated Lotad doll that he had nicknamed Geraldine.

Kadabra was sitting cross-legged on the ceiling, defying all laws of physics using his psychic powers, trying to feed his Lotad doll pieces of lettuce.

"Salutations, mortals!" Kadabra said, not looking up from his plushie, "Doth I be a cretin I spy yonder?"

"What the heck?" Wilber murmured. Hlìn nodded in agreement.

"Give me back my salad!" Sianne screamed as loudly as she could.

"Salad? I know of no salad! I'm just a little teapot, short and stout, here's my cottage cheese, here's my-"

"_Chuuuu!_" Apparently, Sianne was bored of this conversation and decided she wanted her salad back _now_. So she did what any self-respecting mentally unhinged Raichu would do; she used Thunderbolt. Unfortunately, at that precise moment, Kadabra teleported out of the room, leaving for a brief nanosecond, a Plot Hole in the room. When Sianne's electricity hit that tiny Plot Hole, something physically impossible occurred; the lightning drew the first random person it came across out of their dimension and into the Pokéworld. Now, as fate would have it, that particular plot hole led directly into Middle Earth. The lightning came out of a time and space portal, traveling at the speed of light, and tore around Middle Earth looking for someone to take back with it into the Pokéworld.

Meanwhile, just outside Isengard, Merry and Pippin were celebrating their recent victory over Saruman with the Ents when Gandalf, Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas came riding out of the forest. They had just begun talking about Frodo, Sam and the Ring when suddenly the sky darkened over and clouds completely obscured the sun. The sound of thunder could be heard and everyone looked up at the sky. Then, Sianne's bolt of lightning tore down from the murky sky and hit Legolas straight in the chest, knocking him off his and Gimli's horse and onto the floor. Of course, this was not Middle Earth lightning, or else Legolas would have been Elf flambé in less than a second flat; but Pokémon lightning, which only causes the victim to become a charred back colour and have their hair stand on end, when they would typically be totally fine in the next scene. Gimli and the other leapt off their horses to check that the Elf was still alive. He was still breathing, but unconscious. Just as his friends were getting over the shock of Legolas being struck by lightning and surviving, he disappeared completely into the inexplicable plot hole that led straight to the Pokéworld; into the living room of a large house known as The Lair of Insanity, to be exact.

Sianne opened her eyes and looked up to the ceiling to see if she had crisped Kadabra enough. What she saw was totally unexpected, however; she saw an unconscious person with impossibly blonde hair suspended in mid-air by a string of electricity. The electricity faded and the person fell to the ground, and the plot hole above him automatically sealed up. Hlìn, Sarah, Bansra, Wilber and Blaise saw the person materialize into the living room and they ran over to his lifeless body and began checking if he was all right.

The person was very similar to a human, save for his strange pointy ears. He wore green clothes, had a quiver full of arrows on his back and when they rolled him over to check his pulse, Sianne screamed.

"LEGSIE!" she shrieked at the top of her lungs. All the other Pokémon stopped checking for signs of life in the humanoid and covered their ears, as Sianne's screams had a tendency to go above the normal amount of decibels a person or Pokémon was used to.

"What!" Hlìn said, after checking her sense of hearing was still working.

"Look! It's Legsie! I can't BELIEVE this!" Sianne began running around in little circles, apparently out of happiness.

"Legsie?" Hlìn repeated in disbelief. The Charizard moved a clawed hand to her temple. She felt a headache coming on.

"That's Sianne's word for Legolas, though…" Sarah pondered.

"Legolas as in Lord of the- Huh?" Blaise was interrupted by a small cough from the person, who was still slightly carbonized from Sianne's Thunderbolt.

"What…? Where am… ACK!" The person suddenly noticed he was sharing a room with a fish with arms and legs, a fire dragon, a weird raccoon with even bluer eyes than him, a really fat bird, a rodent-thing with its head on fire and an extremely delirious electric mouse that was still dancing around in circles. And he was very afraid.

"I can't believe this! It _is_ Legolas!" Blaise said in total disbelief, "But that's impossible… he belongs in Middle Earth!"

"Who? Where's he from?" Wilber asked, utterly confused.

"I don't get it either…" Bansra agreed. Wilber had little interest in books or movies, and it was decided that Bansra was too young to watch such violent movies, so the Pidgey and Linoone had no idea what was going on. Actually, nobody did.

"Who… what are you?" the person they had (save for Wilber and Bansra) decided was Legolas, asked.

"Oh no. Exposition time." Hlìn said expressionlessly. "I'll make this short. We're Pokémon, immensely fun creatures from an ϋber-fun computer game that possess special powers. And are we right in assuming you're Legolas?"

The Elf shook his head in disbelief, trying to take all of this in; "How do you know who I am?"

"Duh. We've seen the films at the cinema! Great films!" Sarah said, waving her arms around for emphasis.

"And the books; they're great too!" Hlìn added.

"They made a book of it?" Sarah asked, confused.

"LEGSIE!" Sianne yelled again, making everyone jump, especially Legolas, who was still coming to terms with the things that had just happened to him.

"Um… maybe we could make you a cup of tea or something… Do you take sugar?" Blaise asked, unsure of what to do.

"I'll just have some Lembas if that's okay…" Legolas replied faintly.

"Some what?" Wilber asked, still wondering how everyone knew this weird blonde guy and sensed that he was being left out of something. Bansra was also confused, but returned to her ice cream. Ice cream made everything better for her.

"Sorry Legsie! You're in the Pokéworld now and we don't have Lembas!" Sianne said happily.

"Oh… just tea then," and as an afterthought he added, "and why do you keep calling me Legsie?"

Hlìn leant over to him and whispered into his pointy ear something that sounded like "The Raichu is insane. Don't try making sense out of anything she says; we gave that up a long time ago. Just go along with it."

"Right."

There was a long pause, with nobody knowing quite what to say. Until-

"LEGSIE!"

-once again broke the silence.

"Will you stop doing that? My name is Legolas!"

"How exactly did you get here anyway?" Blaise asked, suddenly aware that nobody knew how Legolas materialized into their living room.

"I am not really sure." Legolas said, trying to think about what happened by Isengard. "There was just a bolt of lightening that hit me and I blacked out and found myself here… I wonder how I will ever get back to Middle Earth…"

"I think…" Hlìn said slowly, "I think that when Sianne used Thunderbolt and Kadabra used Teleport, the teleportation left a gap in time and space and somehow the lighting managed to break the barrier between our two worlds and dragged you here."

"Do you think I'll ever be able to get back?" Legolas asked anxiously, wanting to get back to the others to fight the Orcs, hit on Gimli and such like.

"Maybe. If we can convince Kadabra to do as we say, we may be able to get him to Teleport you back to Middle Earth, but reasoning with Kadabra can be… difficult." Hlìn said.

"Until he comes back, can we watch a movie?" Bansra asked from the sofa, the ice cream tub now empty, and she now wanting to do something.

"Yeah, but we'll have to watch the one in Terra's room, I think that was the only TV in the house not wrecked by the Giga-objects yesterday." Blaise pointed out, "And we'll need to rent a movie, I think all the ones we own were destroyed as well. Ah well; we can order them off Ebay again."

"I'll go down to the video rental with Wilber and we'll choose a movie. Is that okay with everyone?" Hlìn said.

"Sure." Blaise agreed, leading Legolas upstairs, who really did not think that now was the time for movies.

"Hmm… which one to pick…" Hlìn muttered, flicking through the rows and rows of DVDs. "Seen anything good, Wilber?"

"There's "The Matrix", though I think we all saw that at Dannichu's last birthday… And "The Lion King" and "Spirited Away" are here, but we've all seen them as well."

"There's "O Brother, Where art thou?", but I made you all watch it last year… they have "Return of the King", but everyone except you and Bansra have seen that, and it will probably make Legolas homesick… how about this one? It looks good!" the Charizard said somewhat triumphanty, holding up the DVD.

"Hmm…"Pirates of the Caribbean"? Never heard of that before. It does look good though." Wilber agreed, peering at the case.

"Should we get it?"

"Yeah, why not? Let's get some popcorn and fizzy drinks as well!"

Sarah, Blaise, Legolas and Sianne went upstairs to the fourth floor, past the other houses' inhabitants' rooms. Legolas gave a slightly fearful look at Daigree the Sneasel's door, as it had large chunks carved out of it, as if someone had slashed it with sharp claws.

"Do you think Kerri will want to come and watch it with us?" Blaise asked as they stopped outside the Absol's door.

"Yeah, Kerri likes movies. Shall I go and knock on Nwacha or Agni's as well?" asked Sarah.

"There's no point; they've gone to visit their parents at the Gardens today. Becky's not here either." Bansra informed them.

Blaise went and opened Kerrigan's door. The fashion-obsessed Absol was sitting on her bed, writing in a pink fluffy diary. How precisely the quadruped managed to manipulate the equally fluffy pink pen in her claws to form the cursive handwriting Kerrigan was producing was totally beyond the Quilava. "Kerri?"

"Oh, hi Blaise. What is it?" Kerrigan said, closing the diary and setting it on her desk.

"We sent Hlìn and Wilber to go and rent a movie, we don't know what they've chosen, but would you like to come and watch it with us?"

"Sure, that sounds great! Will it have any hot actors in?"

"I have no idea…" Blaise said, rolling her eyes as she and Kerrigan exited the heavily perfumed room.

"Who is…" Kerrigan began, but trailed off before finishing her sentence, instead staring at Legolas with a scary look in her eye.

"Oh; we have a new friend." Blaise explained, indicating to the very confused Elf a few feet away. "Sianne and Kadabra managed to teleport Legolas from Lord of the Rings into our living room about ten minutes ago and he'll be watching it too, I hope you don't-"

Kerrigan squealed and dashed along the hallway as fast as her finely manicured paws would carry her. She saw Legolas standing with Sianne, who looked very peeved as the nutty Raichu was bouncing around, screaming "LEGSIE!" repeatedly. Kerrigan squealed again and ran over to him.

"Wow! I can't believe I'm really meeting _the_ Legolas! The way you are in Return of the King, it's just so cool, especially when you just slide down that Olliphaunt's trunk, and in The Two Towers when you swing right onto the horse, and when you…"

"Kerri! Stop drooling over Legolas and come upstairs; Hlìn and Wilber are just coming with the video!" Blaise said, leading Bansra, Sianne and Legolas (who looked very happy to be away from the scary dog with a blade coming out of its head that seemed to be madly in love with him) up to Terra's room in the attic. Kerrigan saw that Legolas was leaving and immediately followed him. They reached Terra's room, the only room in the attic, save for Dracoru's, and knocked.

"Come in!" came Terra's voice from behind the door.

They all entered, Legolas was completely taken aback by the Flygon's bedroom; it had weights in one corner, a treadmill in another, with javelins, footballs, hockey sticks and all other kinds of sporting equipment scattered everywhere. In the center of the room, next to the bed, there was a television with a dance mat plugged into the Playstation 2, and Terra was effortlessly getting all "perfects" on Dance Dance Revolution. As soon as the song finished, she turned her PS2 off and turned around to face them. "Hi!" she said, before noticing Legolas, who was trying to hide behind Sarah. "Hi, who are you?"

"Terra, this is Legolas, from Lord of the Rings; Sianne managed to teleport him here from Middle Earth." Blaise explained, giving Terra and Legolas a moment to acknowledge each other. "Is it okay if we use your TV? The other one was destroyed when we had the rampage of Giga-objects rushing around."

"Sure you can use it!" Terra said in her fast voice, "I was just about to go out and do my lunchtime dash around Hoenn! Later!" The Flygon promptly jumped out of the large open window to her left and flew at about a hundred kilometers an hour out of sight.

"I really wish she wouldn't do that." Sarah sighed, gazing out of the window. "Such energy is just unnatural."

A moment later, Hlìn flew in the window, Wilber holding the DVD and riding on Hlìn's back.

"Hey guys!" Wilber said, leaping off Hlìn's back and walking over to the PS2 on his stubby legs, "We got "Pirates of the Caribbean", is that okay?"

"I've never heard of it, but I'm sure it'll be great." Sarah said, pulling a pile of towels over in front of the TV to sit on. "You guys are good at picking movies."

Everyone else made themselves comfortable. Legolas deliberately sat as far away from Sianne as possible to avoid her shouting "LEGSIE!" the entire film. However, the second he turned and breathed a sigh of relief of having gotten rid of the crazy Raichu, he saw another Pokémon right in his face.

"Hi sweetie!" Kerrigan smiled, "There's plenty of room on this cushion for two!"

Not wanting to annoy the Absol (he took another glance at the shining back blade on Kerrigan's head – though he doubted she had ever used it for anything but to tie bows on, he didn't want to take his chances), he went and sat on the cushion with her. Bansra snuggled into the bed while Blaise and Wilber sat on the bed as well. Hlìn just sat on the floor while Sianne dashed downstairs during the opening commercials and brought up the beanbag from upstairs and sat it next to Sarah, who had broken out the popcorn.

"This is a great film!" Sianne declared about halfway through.

"Yeah, it's ten times better than I expected!" Blaise agreed.

"I didn't think it would be this good either." Hlìn admitted, pleased that everyone liked the movie.  
"Hey, Legolas; I've just noticed… Will looks a lot like you!" Sarah said suddenly.

"Yeah, he does!" Blaise said, "I knew Will reminded me of someone!"

Kerrigan looked from the screen to Legolas a couple of times. "No way – Legolas is so much cuter!"

Legolas kept himself from saying anything by keeping his eyes on Kerri's blade… always on the blade…

The rest of the film passed with no incident, save for Bansra getting very scared of the skeletons, but everyone was disappointed when the film ended.

"That was so good! I want to watch it again!" Sarah announced.

"For a human movie," Wilber said, stretching his small wings, "that was pretty good."

"Yeah! It was great!" Sianne agreed, taking the beanbag downstairs.

"What should we do now?" Bansra asked, ejecting the DVD and putting it back in its case. "I reckon we should go look for Kadabra. You wanna go home anytime soon Legolas?"

Legolas was inching way from Kerrigan, who was trying to hold his hand. Aside from not wanting to be adored by a dog with a huge blade on its head, Kerrigan's claws were very vicious looking, even though they were covered in nail varnish. "Yes!" he said instantly.  
"Aw, no, Legsie can't go yet!" said Sianne, coming through the door from downstairs.

"He can't go! He likes me too much! Right, Legolas?" Kerrigan said happily.

Legolas nodded feebly, once again looking at Kerrigan's blade.

"Well, unless he wants to spend the night on the sofa, we'd still better find Kadabra and make him Teleport Legolas back to Middle Earth." Blaise said, who had taken Legolas' "subliminal messages" that he wanted to get home. "If you were a totally mental Kadabra, where would you go to?"

"Well, Sianne's the closest we have to an insane Kadabra. Will an insane Raichu do?" Sarah said, watching Sianne's reaction.

"You evil pie." Sianne said, shooting a spark of electricity at Sarah, who was completely unaffected, being a Ground type. Then the Raichu looked up. "Okay… I'd go to… Totodile's sweet shop!"

The Pokémon were used to Sianne's weird "sixth sense" which she had acquired since having her brain messed up when Dannichu tried to stop her evolving, and began making their way to Totodile's shop. Legolas assumed that what they were doing was relevant to his getting home, so he just followed, all the while trying to keep away from Kerrigan.

"Urgh… I wish Terra and Dracoru were here…" Sarah said wistfully.

"Why?" Bansra asked, happy to be outside. The Linoone loved the outdoors, but in the summer the air was too full of pollen and in winter it was too cold for her weak bronchial tubes. Luckily, most of the time when she went out she was accompanied by her best friend Rebecca the Jolteon, who would carry her home if she got too weak. However, Rebecca and her siblings had taken it to visit their parents today, so Bansra was hanging around with Sianne, Hlìn and the others.

"My feet hurt! I want to have a ride straight to the shop!" Sarah moaned, glaring in envy at Wilber's wings, despite the fact he had to beat them about two hundred times a minute to keep his overweight body airbourne. "The only Pokémon that could fly are you, and you can't carry your own body weight, and Hlìn who could never carry all of us!"

"Oh, some on Sarah! Walking's not all that bad!" Blaise said, walking along happily while talking to Hlìn, "Why don't you race Sianne or something?"

"She always beats me…" Sarah moaned again, but ran ahead to catch up with Sianne, who was using her tail as a skipping rope. They watched as Sarah accidentally trod on Sianne's tail, which immediately caused the Raichu to unleash a massive Thunder attack, mercifully Sarah was immune to the attack; they both ran out of the crater caused by the electricity and Sianne dashed after Sarah into the distance.

"Those two…" Hlìn shook her head, glad that the house had not just been destroyed by their antics, as had happened so many times before.

Half an hour they had all arrived outside Totodile's shop, Hlìn was carrying Wilber who was on the point of passing out through all the energy he had used walking so far.

"Never… again…" he wheezed, before closing his eyes and falling asleep.

"Okay, let's see if Sianne's prediction was true!" Bansra said, opening the door of the shop.

Totodile's Sweet Shop was owned by a trainer Totodile who was plagued constantly by amnesia, and his assistant, an indescribably clumsy Espeon by the name of Charity. The shop was located atop a tree on Fortree, but never sold particularly well as many people were reluctant to buy from a shop run by Pokémon (especially Pokémon like Totodile and Charity). In fact, it was completely unknown how they managed to get permission to open the shop to begin with, nor how they passed any kind of health and safety checks.

The door opened to reveal Totodile at the counter of his shop trying to count the money, but not getting any further than "three". While there was no sign of his maladroit assistant, there was a Lotad doll sitting on a pile of aniseed balls and a Kadabra in a corner eating sherbet lemons by shoveling the little sweets into his mouth using his spoon.

"See! My built-in insanity detector never fails!" Sianne said proudly.

"Um... can I help?" Totodile said, looking up from his coins, oblivious to the fact there was a Kadabra in the shop eating all his merchandise.

"Why yes!" Sarah said instantly, dashing over to the counter, "I'd like some chocolate buttons, some Wine Gums, some sherbet strawberries, some jelly spiders-"

"Sarah!" Blaise said, "We're here to get Kadabra, not sweets!"

"Awww…" Sarah said, disappointed. Bansra's ears also drooped a little, and she put the raspberry sweets she wanted to buy back on the shelf.

"Kadabra?" Hlìn asked, walking over to the nutty Pokémon.

"Yeeeeees?" he replied twisting his head around, but not his body, looking extremely freaky.

"Um, can you do us a favor?"

"Maybe, maybe not! Maybe, maybe not!" Kadabra suddenly shouted in a very high-pitched voice, waving his hands to and fro in the air.

"Well, it's very important. We need you to teleport Legolas here back into Middle Earth for us. Is that okay?"

"Give me time… I must discuss this with my manager!" Kadabra grabbed his Lotad doll and huddled into a corner, making whispering sounds. Five minutes later he stood up.

"My associate and I have decided to comply with your needs -- we WILL invade Bolivia."

"_What?_" they all shouted.

"We want you to teleport Legolas home, not invade Bolivia!" Hlìn cried in desperation.

"Pies? Pies are weak. They are the cancer of the planet and we… we are the cure." Kadabra continued, still oblivious to all the other Pokémon, who were nearly in tears with frustration.

"Kadabra; _please_!" Blaise and Hlìn begged at the same time.

"If that is what you wish." Kadabra said, impersonating Entei from '_Pokémon 3'_, but looking sincere about it. Or as sincere as you can be if you are a mentally deranged Kadabra.

Legolas was not sure whether to be happy or sad about this. On one hand, he would be going home, back to Gimli, Gandalf and the others. On the other hand, it would mean trusting himself to a cracked yellow thing with a gigantic moustache who could teleport him ANYWHERE in the known or unknown universe. Weighing out his chances, he glanced across at Sianne, who was bouncing around repeating the word "Legsie" to the tune of "The 12 days of Christmas" and Kerrigan, who was still trying to hold his hand.

"Great!" he said. "When can I leave?"

"Now is good." Hlìn said, turning to Kadabra. "You Teleport him _anywhere_ but Middle Earth and you get barbequed. Okay?"

Kadabra scratched his head with his spoon "Oui."

"You speak French?" Wilber asked in surprise.

"Ja!"

"And German?"

"No, not really. I merely guessed those two random words and one just so _happened_ to be the French word for "yes" and the other the German. No DUH!" Kadabra said.

There was stunned silence for about five minutes. Even Sianne fell completely silent and gaped at Kadabra.

"What?" Kadabra said, irritated.

"That… is the first thing we have _ever_ heard you say that made ANY sense!" Hlìn said, still in complete shock.

"You- MY BRAIN! MY BRAIN!" Kadabra screamed, running around the shop (Totodile was still at the counter, trying to count his money), clutching his head, which made it hurt even more as he was stabbing his spoon into the back of his cranium. "SANITY OVERLOAD!"

Legolas was watching the whole scene in disbelief, personally thinking that we wouldn't leave this mad Pokémon in charge of his _Lembas_, much less his life.

"Kadabra... are you all right?" asked Bansra timidly; afraid of what Kadabra might do next.

"Why yeeeeeees, I am. Mr. Cunningham, something wooooonderful has happened. A-no. A-no. Yeeeeeees. A-no. Yeeeeeeees. Right awaaaaay. Goodbyeeee."

"What's wrong with him? I thought for a brief, fleeting second he had actually gone halfway sane." Sarah said with a sigh.

"I don't think that's physically possible. I think there's something built into his brain that blocks all sanity from him." Hlìn said, "That's why he never listens to anything we say and never speaks a word of normality." Hlìn paused a moment and realized what she had just said. "Wow!"

Sarah took in all of this whilst watching Kadabra begin to march back and forth in front of Legolas, who had tuned whiter than a sheet, "That would explain much."

"TEN-HUT!" Kadabra yelled, saluting and stamping one foot, making everyone jump.

"Okay, so Legolas, are you ready to go? All you need is to let Kadabra Teleport you." Hlìn said, turning to Legolas.

"Um… what if he Teleports me somewhere else?" Legolas said, scared of the answer.

"Don't worry; if he does that, we'll kill him." Sarah replied cheerfully.

Legolas looked more worried about that would happen to _him_ if Kadabra decided to Teleport into Teletubby Land rather than what would happen to Kadabra, but decided to remain silent.

"Okay Kadabra? Just Teleport Legolas into Middle Earth and then you Teleport yourself back again-"

"-Or do us a huge favor and don't bother coming back-" Blaise muttered, recalling the time Kadabra had filled her room entirely with rubber ducks.

"-And we'll get you a HUGE supply of Wine Gums! Sound good?" Hlìn said, praying her bribe would work.

Kadabra walked over to Legolas and poked him in the head with his spoon. "Just remember," he said, "There _is_ no spoon."

"Oh no!" Sianne yelled, dragging herself away from the Nutri-Grain bars on the counter and noticing Legolas was about to leave, "You can't go, Legsie!"

"Why?" Blaise asked

"Because I need to carry on calling him 'Legsie' until he either destroys me or mentally destroys himself from trying to restrain himself from destroying me!" she said in a "duh" tone.

Everyone looked at each other, trying to make sense of Sianne's sentence but then turned back to Legolas.

"Good… GOODBYE!" wailed Kerrigan, breaking down into floods of tears and hugging Legolas, who was trying to inch away from her a politely as possible "Will I ever see you again!"

"Come on Kerri. You can see him on DVD anytime you want, but Legolas needs to go home now." Hlìn said, attempting to pull the Absol off of Legolas, but then signaling to the others to help. It took the combined forces of Sarah, Hlìn, Blaise, Bansra and Wilber to yank her off. Sianne watched the whole thing whilst chewing on a blueberry Nutri-Grain.

"Okay Kadabra. Remember. Middle Earth. Got it?" Blaise said sternly.

"Yesserie!" Kadabra said happily.

"You okay Legolas? There's nothing to scared of." Wilber said.

Legolas' expression said clearly that there was plenty to be scared of, but nobody really noticed.

"You ready to Teleport, Kadabra?" asked Bansra.

Kadabra did a sheep impression. Everyone assumed that meant yes.

Suddenly there was a flash of light and both Legolas and Kadabra disappeared in a flash of white light.

"Well they've gone somewhere. All we can do is hope." said Bansra the Linoone blankly, staring at where Kadabra and Legolas used to stand.

"LEGOLAS! Where are you!" Pippin yelled, on Treebeard's back, looking all over Isengard for the Elf.

"It's useless Pip." Merry said, turning to his friend, "I think he's gone for good. He's been gone for over twelve hours now, and he just disappeared. Poor Legolas…"

There was a sudden flash of light and an Elf and a Pokémon materialized right beside them. Pippin screamed and fell let go of Treebeard and began falling to the ground. The Ent caught him and sat him back on his back.

"Legolas!" Merry shouted, leaping off Treebeard and running over to the Elf. Pippin followed and then called Aragon, Gandalf and Gimli over, "Look! Look! He just came back!"

Legolas blinked a couple of times and then looked up to see his friends standing over him.

"Legolas!" Gimli shouted and picked him up off the floor "Where on earth did you go?"

"I… I really don't want to talk about it." Legolas murmured, still registering that he was back home.

"Long live limburger!" Kadabra yelled, realizing that nobody was giving him any attention.

"ACK!" Merry and Pippin both yelled. Aragon drew his sword, Gimli raised his axe and Legolas went to grab an arrow from his quiver when he realized that Kadabra had brought him home.

"Stop!"

"What is it Legolas? There is an Orc here!" Aragon cried, "… albeit a very strange-looking one."

"It's not an Orc! He helped me get home!" Legolas decided not to tell them that it was also Kadabra's fault that he was teleported away in the first place.

"But why-" Gimli began

"Fare thee well, noble citizens!" Kadabra shouted and teleported back to The Lair of Insanity where everyone was waiting anxiously for his return.

Back in the Sweet Shop, a loud crash was heard and Charity emerged from the back room with jelly worms all over her big ears. "What'd I miss?" she asked.

"I don't know." Totodile said, not looking up. Hlìn and the others paid for some Wine Gums for Sianne and a packet of raspberry-flavored boiled sweets for Bansra and exited the shop as quickly as possible.

Kadabra appeared in the Lair of Insanity's living room, where Hlìn, Kerrigan, Sianne and Sarah were sitting in suspense of whether or not he had teleported Legolas to the right place. Blaise, Hypello and Bansra had gone upstairs, probably preferring not to know.

"Greetings." He said, holding forward his spoon.

"Did you do it? You took him to Middle Earth, right?" Hlìn asked urgently.

"Indeed, indeed. And I am forever in your debt."

"I think that means yes… you have to listen really closely." Sarah said, leaning closer to Kadabra.

"NEITHER A BORROWER, NOR A LENDER, BE!" Kadabra yelled, making Sarah reel backwards, protecting her sense of hearing.

Hlìn sighed. She looked around the room, and Kadabra was reciting Shakespeare, Sarah was panting heavily and moaning "My ear…" repeatedly, Kerrigan was sitting on the sofa, sobbing into a teen magazine with a centerfold of Legolas in, and Sianne was swinging from the light fixture. She sighed again. Ah, the normality.

--End of part 2--


	3. Butterfree's Birthday

**A/N:** No pointless ramblings from me (unless you count the fanfic itself as a pointless ramble) except that I'm writing this for one of my best friends ever, Dragonfree (AKA Butterfree); though it's doubtful how much sense it will make to someone outside those in this fic... ah well, read it and tell me if you're confused! By the way,if you haven't read her fanfic, "The Quest for the Legends", for the love of pie, read it! (It's on my favorites)

**Dedication:** To Dragonfree AKA Butterfree, Happy birthday! Thanks for being my friend :)

**Disclaimer:** This… is for a million dollars. Does Dannichu own Pokémon? Is the answer A: "Yes", B: "No", C: "Who Cares?" or D: "I'm a flying potato"? You say it's B? Is that your final answer? WE HAVE A WINNER! Whaddya mean, it's Monopoly money?

**--Butterfree's Birthday--**

Sianne woke early on the February 18th. She leaped out of her pink bed and pulled apart her lime green curtains. She gasped with delight.  
"IT'S SNOWING! IT'S SNOWING!" she screamed, running into Sarah's room and bouncing on her bed. She then dashed into Nwacha and Sparky's room and bounced on their bunks. "IT'S SNOWING!" she yelled again, in case there were some people in Littleroot who hadn't woken up because of her screaming.

"What on earth are you talking about, Sianne?" Sarah said, pointing out of the window, where the sun was shining brightly, "It's not snowing at all."

"I know." Sianne smiled madly, "I wanted to begin the day with a bit of excitement."

"It's not "day" yet." Nwacha muttered, as Sianne bounced into his room, very irked at being woken up at 7AM. "It's not "day" till I get up, and I'm NOT getting up now!" he rolled over and fell back into sleep.

Sianne looked disgruntled for a split second and then got her "I'm-insane-don't-come-near-me-unless-you-want-to-take-the-brunt-of-my-madness look" back on her face and bounced downstairs, taking one step and then bouncing off her tail. Sarah decided that she wouldn't be able to get back to sleep again so she resigned herself to fate and followed her mad friend downstairs.

The kitchen was in the process of being rebuilt. Dracoru had spent the day before designing it and had hired some people to come in and re-make it. It was halfway done, the ceiling and bathroom floor and been mended, the new oven and fridge had been fitted and the floor had been re-layered. It was looking much better, though the walls still had a charred look about them and most of the worktops were in pieces. Sianne bounced over to the fridge and took out a cherry pie and made a banana milkshake. Sarah made herself a bowl of cornflakes and poured a glass of milk and they took their breakfasts into the dining room, where Hlin was sitting, drinking a cup of tea while reading a newspaper.

"Hi Sarah, hi Sianne. You're up early." said Hlìn, looking over _The Fortree Times _to see Sianne utterly decimating her pie.

"Yeah." Sarah agreed, "_someone_, no names mentioned, _Sianne_, woke me up, saying it was snowing."

Sianne failed to take Sarah's "hints" that she was mad at her and continued eating her pie, sending pieces of it flying off in all directions. "Pie, pie, pie, pie…" she sang happily.

Sarah sighed, about to say something but was interrupted by the phone ringing.

"I'll get it." Sarah said, though Hlìn was too engrossed in her newspaper and Sianne was picking up and eating all the pie crumbs she had dropped on the floor, so she was the only one who was likely to answer it anyway.

"Hello?" she said, picking up the receiver.

"Sarah? Is that you?" Dannichu's voice sounded anxious.

"Yeah, how's Pokéschool going?"

"Great; but there's something I really need to talk to you about!"

"Yeah… Dannichu, are you alright?"

"No! I really need your help!"

"What is it?"  
"It's Butterfree's birthday today and I had her present all planned out but now we're having a trip and I can't do it!" Dannichu said, as if she wanted to yell but couldn't because there was someone on the other end of the phone who might hear her if she yelled. Sarah guessed it was Butterfree.

"Okay, okay. So what do you need us to do?" Sarah asked, deliberately saying "us" so she wouldn't personally get roped into something.

"Well, I had planned to get Butterfree out of the room for a bit and then decorate it for her and have a big party, but I forgot we were going on a stupid trip into Petalburg Woods and now I can't do it because we _have_ to go! Anyway, while we're gone, our dorm will be empty. If you could all come in while we're out and decorate our dormitory and get stuff ready for a party while we're out, it would be great! Just watch out for teachers that may be wandering around, I doubt they'd be too happy." Dannichu said, a note of pleading in her voice.

"Well, I'll ask the others, and the response will probably be 'yes', but Dannichu, you _really_ need to plan stuff better!"

"I know… I know. Anyway, I can't describe how grateful I am!" Dannichu breathed a huge sigh of relief. "How's things there?"  
Sarah gulped, thinking of the utter obliteration of the kitchen with the food processor, stampede of tentacle-bearing objects, Legolas being teleported into the Pokéworld…"Great!" Sarah lied, "just great! How's Pokéschool really?"

"Actually, it's great! The lessons are really cool and all my friends are here! Rabid Psycho, Butterfree, CrazyPika, Missing No, Latios, Chatsy, Mewkitty… everyone!"

"Sounds good, but I'll have to go and wake everyone up to make them get party stuff. What time does your trip finish and you get back to the school?"

"Um… Midday..."

"MIDDAY? We have just five hours to get there, sneak into a school, decorate an entire dormitory and get all kinds of party food and stuff ready?"

"Um… yes. Anyway, I've got to go. We're leaving now. See ya!" Dannichu hung up very quickly. Sarah steamed. "Grrr, if she wasn't the person to raise me from level 5 to level 100, I swear I would kill her."

"What is it, Sarah?" Hlìn asked from the dining room, seeing the Marshtomp glare daggers at the cordless.

"Urgh… It's Butterfree's birthday today and guess what?"

"Dannichu forgot?"

"Not quite, she planned a present but now she can't go through with it because she forgot about a trip they were going on. Now she wants us to go and get a party ready in her dormitory at the Pokéschool for midday!"

"You're joking!"

"Wish I was." Sarah sighed. "I'd best go and wake everyone up… you can wake up Dracoru and Daigree though. I think I still have the marks from when I last woke up Daigree early in the morning."

"Okay then. Sianne, can you help?" Hlìn asked, turning to Sianne.

Sianne, who was crawling under the table, still looking for escapee pie crumbs looked up, bashed her head on the table, Thundershocked the evil table and stood up. "Sure!"

Ten minutes later, all the residents of the Lair of Insanity were awake, grumpy, but ready to go and decorate the dormitory. "Okay, we need money to buy the food; Hlìn, you have the money, right?" Sarah asked.

"Yeah" Hlìn replied, putting a Pokéball shaped purse in her Pikachu backpack.

"And you, Dracoru and Terra are ready to fly us over to the school?"

"Yup!" Terra said happily, delighted that she could fly her friends to Rustboro and back.  
"Okay… just give me a second." Dracoru said, closing his eyes and concentrating. Suddenly a pair of magnificent red wings burst from his shoulders, startling Sparky and Hypello.

Dracoru, unlike most Salamence, did not naturally have wings, as he had never wanted them, due to his slight queasiness while flying. He could, however 'summon' them, should there be a real need for him to fly.

"Okay… Hlin, you take Wilber and Hypello, they're both really light, if Dracoru could take Daigree and Terra could manage Blaise and Sparky… is that okay?" Sarah asked, mentally measuring each Pokémon's weight in comparison to the amount Hlìn, Terra or Dracoru could manage all the way to Rustboro. Yeah, Sarah liked numbers.

"Yeah, that's okay. Come on Hypello," Hlìn lowered her wing so that the Swinub could climb onto her back more easily, "let's go."

Daigree grudgingly boarded Dracoru and Blaise and Sparky climbed onto Terra's back and the three flying Pokémon took off out of Terra's skylight in her room in the attic.

Sarah did some more calculations, and by the time Terra made it back five minutes later, Nwacha rode Terra and Kerrigan went on Hlìn. Dracoru came back a couple of minutes after Hlìn, due to his lack of practice a flying, and took Sianne. On the third trip, Luke rode Terra, Loanlee went on Hlìn and Sarah went lastly with Dracoru. By the time Dracoru landed in front of the school and made his wings vanish, as they were no longer needed, they had little over four hours to buy everything they needed, sneak into the school and decorate the rooms.

"I have an idea; a couple of us should break into the school and find the best way into the rooms without any of the teachers seeing us, and the rest of us get party stuff." Sarah explained her plan to everyone. "Sound good?"  
"Great idea," Blaise agreed, "but who should go in?"  
"Well, "Hlìn said, "I should think that small, fast Pokémon would be best. Daigree, the Master of Sneaky, would be great at it, and Sparky would be good too. You could go as well, Blaise."

"That's a good plan." Sparky nodded, "Is that okay with you, Daigree?"  
"Sure. Fine. Whatever." The Sneasel shrugged indifferently.

"Right, so shall we all go off and get the stuff? Maybe if we had a list each or something, it would be much quicker to shop in twos or threes than to go around in a big group." Terra said.

"Yeah, and we'll need different places. Terra, can you make a trip to Lilycove for us? It would be great if you could get some decorations from the department store there. Hlìn and I'll go on to Slateport. Some drinks from the Beach Hut would be brilliant." Sarah said, "I think everything else can be gotten here, if you look in the right places. Though if Nwacha, maybe you could go through Rusturf Tunnel and get some of those flapjacks from Verdanturf?"

"Sure." Nwacha said, "I can hide pretty well in that tunnel, though last time, my rings started glowing and it scared the Whismur. The tunnel nearly fell in because of their stupid Uproars. But I'll be fine, it's much lighter now, and it's nowhere near full moon."

"I'll go to Totodile's sweet shop and get some Nutri-Grain bars and Wine Gums!" Sianne shouted hyperly.

"Okay then? We'll just write a quick list of stuff we need and if everyone just gets a couple of things we need, we should get everything pretty quickly. Hlìn, do you have pen and some paper in your bag?"

"Somewhere…" Hlìn muttered, rummaging through the backpack, before pulling out a pad of paper and some pencils with Skitty on. "Here we are."

"Okay…" Sarah said, taking the paper and a pencil from Hlìn and attempted to lean on Sianne's back, but Sianne was bouncing up and down, making it impossible. Sarah sighed and went over to lean on Hlìn's back, but her tail flame caught one sheet of the paper and incinerated it. Sarah growled and just crouched and leant the remaining pieces of paper against her knee and wrote out what everyone was to get.

"Is that okay everybody?" Sarah handed the paper out to everyone and they looked at what they had to buy.

"I've got the money, just take what you need." Hlìn said, passing the Pokéball purse around the Pokémon. "Come on Sarah, we've got to get to the Beach Hut. Everyone, we have to meet back here at ten-thirty. Okay? That gives us all an hour."

Daigree dashed over to the school, slashed the air ventilation system and entered through a side-vent, Sparky and Blaise following behind. Everyone took a bit of money and went to buy whatever was on their list. Terra flew at her top speed over to Lilycove.

"Blaise, can you come over here a bit?" Sparky said, feeling very claustrophobic, stuck in a dark air vent above a Pokémon school. The Quilava crawled behind Sparky, showing him which turning Daigree had taken by illuminating the path of disturbed dust using her head flame. Daigree had gone ahead of them, finding a grate near the dormitory where they could sneak into the rooms unnoticed. After a couple of dead-ends, Sparky and Blaise found Daigree sitting by a grate looking angry.

"Don't take too long." he snapped sarcastically, "I've been waiting here for ages."

"Sorry." Sparky apologized and attempted to lift the grate, then found it was nailed down. Blaise was about to use Flamethrower on the grate so it would melt, but then Daigree hit her across the head with his claws retracted.

"You idiot! If you melted the grate completely, everyone who walked past would see the melted remains of the grate and the teacher would assume that someone had broken into the school, alerting everyone!"

Blaise blinked a couple of times, taking all of this in. Obviously, she was nowhere nearly as educated in sneaking as Daigree was. "How are we going to get out then? Shall we go back?"

"No; why would I come this way just to go back?" Daigree snapped again, "I can slice nails like cheese."

So he flashed his claws and raked them across the outside of the grate. Then he lifted it up and moved it to one side, revealing a corridor beneath. Sparky and Blaise looked at Daigree in admiration.

"Go then! What are you waiting for? Someone to come along and see us?"

Sparky jumped down from the vent first, followed closely by Blaise. Then Daigree hung from one claw, put back the grate and dropped to the ground like a ninja.

"Where now?" Sparky asked, looking around at the school corridors.

"There, you idiot!" Daigree pointed to a door right next to them.

Blaise cautiously twisted the handle, and pulled the door, which didn't open.

"It's locked!"

"Oh, you are _so useless_!" Daigree snapped impatiently before shoving her to one side and inserting one claw into the lock and rattling it. Seconds later a click was heard and he sneaked in like a shadow. Sparky and Blaise followed, raising their eyebrows at each other and shutting the door inaudibly behind them.

"Is this the right dorm?" Blaise asked, looking around at the bunk beds.

"Of course it is! How stupid do you think I am? Am I going to break into a school and go the wrong dormitory? No! Look, there's all their stuff, there's all their cuddly toys- Dannichu's big Pikachu, Rabid Psycho's Meowth…" Daigree continued ranting, pointing to each bed as he talked about the owner's cuddly toys, which were sitting on the yellow pillows, staring at them through glassy eyes.

"Oh yeah…" Blaise said, feeling a bit stupid.

"Well, now we know we got the "_right dorm_"," Daigree glared at Blaise for doubting his ability, "Let's find a way out that doesn't involve the air vent."

"Why not? Why can't we go back through the vent? It leaves us with much less chance of getting caught." said Sparky.

"Because, you imbecile, when we come to leading everyone else into the room, how on earth are Hlin and Dracoru supposed to squeeze into that tiny vent? We'll have to sneak everyone around the school unnoticed, and if everyone else is as incompetent as you two, it'll be a miracle if we get them halfway!"

"Okay, what else do we need?" Luke said, looking at his list, squinting his eye. "Sarah's handwriting is impossible to read…"

"Let's see…" Hypello leaned closer to the paper, squinting his eyes to see it more clearly. "I think it says "balloons"."

"Okay, where do we get those?" Luke asked, looking around the skyscrapers in Rustboro. Luke and Hypello were wandering around, completely lost, trying to find a shop that might sell what they were looking for.

"Maybe we should ask someone." Hypello said finally, after wandering around for twenty minutes.

"Yeah. How about her?" Luke said, pointing to a passing Ivysaur, who was walking along with her trainer.

"Um, excuse me?" Hypello asked, "is there a shop around here that sells balloons?"

"Yes, I think so." The Ivysaur glanced quickly at Luke's one eye before she set down the shopping bags she had been carrying with her vines and thought for a moment. "Yes, if you go to Kadabra's Party Supplies, you should be able to find some. It's just by the Cutter's house, a little to the left. You can't miss it." The Ivysaur's trainer stared at the Zangoose and Swinub asking directions from her Pokémon.

"Okay, thank you very much!" Luke said, glad to finally have some idea where to go. He knew the Cutter's house was by the Devon Corporation building, and that was so huge you could see it for miles around.

"Luke! Did you hear what she said?" Hypello asked the second the Ivysaur left.

"Yeah… she said how to get the balloons; the shop should be just over this way" Luke said, walking in the direction of the Cutter's house.

"No! I mean she said "_Kadabra's_ Party Supplies". As in _Kadabra_." Hypello said urgently.

"Oh no…" Luke said, realization hitting him forcefully.

"Oh yes. We'll have to find somewhere else…" Hypello sighed.

"Wait- how do we know it's the mad Kadabra? It could just be some other Kadabra who isn't insane!" Luke said hopefully.

Hypello looked doubtful, but then Luke reminded him "We only have twenty minutes, and we need to get some biscuits as well."

"Okay then, but you have no idea how much I hope it isn't the Kadabra we know."

"I think I do…" Luke said nervously.

They made their way over to the Cutter's house and found the party shop without much trouble. Looking up at the shop, they saw the sign above the window reading "Kadabra's Party Supplies!" in colorful yellow and pink lettering, though the window itself was very dark so it looked as if it was closed. Half-hoping it was, Luke gripped the door handle and turned it. It opened. They took a deep breath and entered the shop.

Looking around, they could make out all kinds of practical joke things and party accessories. As Luke shut the door behind them, shutting off the only source of light, save for the dim glow coming though the dusty window, they noticed just how dark it was. Hypello blinked a couple of times, his eyes growing accustomed to the gloom and getting stray particles of dust out of them.

Luke plucked up his courage and called "Hello? Is anyone here?"

He got no reply, save for a creaking sound beyond the counter, in one of the back rooms. Their curiosity getting the better of them, Luke and Hypello crept nearer, straining their eyes in the near-darkness to see what made the noise.

"MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" suddenly came a loud voice from nowhere, scaring them to death.

"AAARRRGGHHH!" They both yelled, jumping into the air in pure fright. Kadabra teleported in front of them, sitting on the counter with his legs crossed, his eyes closed in some kind of meditation, his Lotad doll in his lap.

"Can I be of mild assistance?" he said suddenly, his eyes snapping open, making Luke and Hypello jump again.

"Uh… yeah. We need some balloons. Have you got any?" Luke said timidly, unsure of what Kadabra might do next.

"NEVER!" Kadabra screamed, and then vanished, taking his Lotad doll with him.

After a few seconds, Hypello breathed a sigh of relief. "Phew. He's gone… we survived the wrath of Kadabra's inescapable insanity!"

Suddenly, there was a huge flash of light, like somebody had just lit a huge ribbon of magnesium and there were loud popping noises. Luke and Hypello covered their eyes to shield them from the intense light, and then the light suddenly faded, but not completely, just into pink and blue lighting of normal intensity. Opening their eyes (or eye), Luke and Hypello saw a huge table in front of them, laden with party hats, plastic cups, balloons and in the center, a huge birthday cake emblazoned with "HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUTTERFREE!" in blue icing. The two Pokémon looked around, but couldn't see anyone, not even Kadabra.

"What should we do?" Luke asked, after he had accepted that everything on the table was real, not just an illusion or something.

"I reckon…" Hypello said slowly, "I reckon we should take all this stuff back to Sarah, Terra and the others."

"Really? Wouldn't that be stealing though? It's Kadabra's shop, and if we take it without paying for it…" Luke said, unsure of what to do.

"Look at it this way; how many times has Kadabra wrecked our house?" Hypello asked

"A lot… one heck of a lot." Luke said, nodding, though still thinking it was wrong to take all the party things.

"And has that cost us a lot in bills?"

"Yes, but Hlìn-"

"So don't you think he owes us?"

"But-"

"Anyway, if he didn't want us to take it for Butterfree's birthday, why has he written her name on the cake?"

"I guess…"

"Great!" Hypello began folding up the corners of the tablecloth, which were decorated with little Beautifly and Butterfree. "Now help me carry this."

So Luke and Hypello took all the stuff out of the shop, Luke had all the plates, cups and things wrapped up in the tablecloth which he had slung over his shoulder, holding the balloons his other hand, while Hypello carried the cake on his back.

"It's about time!" Sarah said on their arrival. "You're ten minutes late and - what?"

"Hey Hypello, where'd you get the cool cake?" Wilber asked, looking at the huge cake, his eyes dancing.

So Luke and Hypello told everyone their story about how the table of stuff materialized from nowhere and how they assumed Kadabra had wanted to help Butterfree's birthday be as nice as possible.

"After all," said Luke, "Butterfree _did_ let him star in The Type Chart as the Spoon Kid, even though he did… torture Neo a bit."

"Okay," Sarah said, turning to Daigree, Blaise and Sparky. "You know a way in that all of us can take?"  
"Yeah." said Daigree emotionlessly. "Well; unless you're as clumsy, noisy and stupid as these two."

Blaise glared at Daigree while Sparky stared at the floor.

"Okay then. Remember everyone: we have to be quiet." Sarah lectured, "we're sneaking fifteen Pokémon and the supplies for a huge party here, which will NOT go down too well with any teacher who happens to see us. Sianne?"

"Yeah?" Sianne looked up from her shopping bag, holding a biscuit in her mouth. She realized everyone was looking at her and took the biscuit and held it behind her back, though everyone had already seen it.

"Just… try and be quiet. And as 'normal' as possible. I know that's asking a lot, but can you try? For Butterfree?"

"Sure!" Sianne said happily, throwing the biscuit in the air to emphasize her sincerity. The biscuit hit Dracoru in the eye.

"Okay Daigree, lead the way."

Daigree led them in through the back door, through the kitchen and into the large dining room. From there, they sneaked along the mini-cinema room and then ran through a corridor until they found the stairs.

"Where now? How far up do we go?" Wilber asked, struggling to hold a plate of sandwiches.

"Third floor. Fourth door on the left." said Daigree, not bothering to carry anything.

They climbed the stairs, hiding around one door when they saw a cleaner come past, but then they all ran for the room. Sparky got there first, he opened the door for Dracoru, Luke and Terra, who were carrying the most and didn't have any spare hands/paws/useful appendages to open the door with. Dracoru set down the long table, Luke set out the tablecloth and everyone who was carrying food put their load onto the plates that Hypello passed around. Then they all blew up the balloons, though Sianne kept blowing them up and then letting them go, letting them fly around the room, making disgusting noises and then landing in bowls of jelly and such like. The balloons that were blown up successfully were put in a net, which held them from the ceiling and Terra was planning to open when Butterfree, Chatsy, Vaporeanna and everyone came in. Loanlee, who had gotten some glitter and streamers, gave them to Terra who hung them from the ceiling, making the whole room look very party-ish. Terra flew back to The Lair of Insanity and brought back Rabid Psycho's Hi-fi and a couple of CDs to play later. While they were waiting, they lay around on the beds, Kerrigan put her make-up on and re-did her fur in the bathroom, and they amused themselves by either restraining Sianne from eating all the cookies or playing Rock, Paper, Scissors.

"Wow, I can't believe we bought everything for a party and decorated a whole room and we still have time to spare!" Sarah said to Loanlee, trying to make conversation.

"I hate parties." Loanlee replied dully.

"Why?"  
"Too loud. And too happy."

"Ah." Sarah said, unsure of what to make of the comment. Fortunately, right at that moment, the door burst open and in came Butterfree, Rabid Psycho, CrazyPika, Mew13, Mewkitty, Dannichu, Vaporeanna, Missing No and Chatsy, all talking loudly and extremely hyper after the fun trip they just had.

"Oh wow!" Mewkitty turned her head away from her conversation with Vaporeanna and saw the room.

Dannichu stood, open-mouthed at the scene; delighted at what a good job her Pokémon had done decorating the room.

The large dorm had a long table going down the center, laden with all kinds of food and fizzy drinks, while balloons and streamers were floating down from the ceiling because Terra had just pulled the string. The Pokémon had also found the presents that Butterfree's other friends had gotten for her and put them in a pile in the corner.

"Um… Happy birthday Butterfree!" said Nwacha, noticing the nine Pokéfreaks standing amazed in the doorway.

Butterfree looked around the room, taking all of it in and looking at all the Pokémon who were watching her to see if she liked her present.

"It's amazing!" she said happily, "Is this really for me?"

"Yup!" Sianne said happily, "Dannichu forgot-"

Sarah shut Sianne up by standing on her tail, causing her to immediately let loose a Thunderbolt, but Sarah merely absorbed the attack. "Dannichu planned this for you, got all the food and stuff and kept it secret the whole time you were at Pokéschool. She planned with us that we should decorate the room while you were out, so it would be a surprise!"

"Really?" Rabid Psycho said in disbelief, amazed that Dannichu could plan _anything_ in advance. Planning was something Dannichu was notoriously bad for.

"PARTY!" Sianne screamed and leaped into a chair, grabbed a plate and began stuffing her face with food.

Dannichu shook her head momentarily before noticing there were Nutri-Grain bars on the table and dashed over to them. "Come on!" she yelled to everyone, who were only too happy to come over and celebrate Butterfree's birthday.

About twenty minutes into the party, everyone was stuffing their faces and generally having a good time, there was a bright flash of light, which made everyone turn their heads and see someone very familiar materialize into the room.

"No!" Dannichu yelled when she saw him. She had wanted this to go perfectly, her Pokémon had done a stunning job of decorating the room and everything was going according to plan. The last thing Dannichu needed was for Kadabra to come.

"I have arrived," boomed Kadabra, "to wish my mutual friend Butterfree a most enjoyable and memorable birthday. "

"Oh dear pie…" Dannichu moaned, dreading what might come next.

"And so, Geraldine and I have taken it upon ourselves to… " Kadabra paused for emphasis.

"Yes?" asked Rabid Psycho, wanting to know what on earth Kadabra had done.

"DO THIS!"

Suddenly, an army of rubber ducks wearing different color party hats came out of nowhere, floated around the room three times, squeaking to the tune of "Happy Birthday To You" and then vanished as quickly as they had arrived, save for one that Daigree cut in half with his claws because the squeaking annoyed him. Kadabra gave a final "Ha!" and vanished also.

"I think," CrazyPika said slowly, "I think that is, without a doubt, the singly most disturbing thing I have _ever_ witnessed."

"I'll second, third and fourth that." agreed Vaporeanna.

"PARTY!" Sianne screamed again.

A little later, when everyone from all the other dorms had come in to join the party, Terra had put on the CD "Totally Pokémon" and everyone was happily singing or dancing to "All We Wanna Do", while playing on Dance Dance Revolution or having a rousing game of Twister, both of which they had banned Terra from participating in because she always won easily. Sparky, Zizzo and some others were watching "Pokémon Heroes" on one of the TVs and CrazyPika, Char13 and most of the others were playing party games that they had grown out of three years ago, but failed to care. After all the food, except for the cake which Dracoru and Nwacha had moved out of harm's (and Sianne's) way, had been eaten or thrown around, the table was cleared away, save for Loanlee and Daigree, who were being plain antisocial, played "Sardines", which was extremely fun. For those poor, deprived people out there who have never played Sardines, basically you choose a couple of people to hide and everyone else goes to find them (this is best played in the dark). When a person finds one of the hidden people, they hide with them and so on until everyone is hiding with a bunch of other people. This is exceptionally fun when you have twenty people stuck in one closet. Sarah and Chatsy had been selected to hide, and they ran out of the room and into the other dorms to hide, while everyone stayed in Butterfree's dorm, listening to Sianne yell to a hundred. On Sianne's count of "HUNDRED!" they all ran from the room and began looking for Chatsy and Sarah.

Butterfree walked along the inky-black corridor, feeling along the wall for a door handle. When she found one, she opened it and found herself in another dormitory. She dropped to her hands and knees, looking for a place where Sarah or Chatsy could be hiding. Opening a wardrobe, she felt around among the clothes hanging in there, when suddenly she heard a laugh come from the other end of the room. She immediately closed the wardrobe and ran over to the far end, where there was a desk. She felt under the desk and her hands felt something distinctly wet and slimy. "Found you, Sarah!" she whispered and there was another giggle from under the desk. Butterfree strained her eyes in the dark and made out Dannichu crouched under the desk too. Butterfree laughed quietly and joined them under the desk, to be joined by Missing No a couple of minutes later, who heard Dannichu's fit of giggles and came to see what the sound was. About fifteen minutes later, Sarah, Butterfree, Dannichu, Missing No, Mew13, Zizzo, Ice, Hlìn, Ruler of Ninetaleses, Latios, Kerrigan, Jigglyskitt, DarkRaichu, Hypello and Espeon were all crushed against each other under the desk. In the end they had to come out because Sarah and Dannichu were suffocating through lack of oxygen as there were ten people and four Pokémon, one of which was a huge Charizard, blocking the air flow to the back of the desk. They all laughed for a bit, all a bit hyper because of the sugar in the party food and then went to find the others.

They found Chatsy and the others in an even tighter squeeze than they had been; over twenty-five people and Pokémon were all crammed together in a cupboard where the cleaning stuff was kept. They squeezed themselves out and stretched their legs, wanting to play again.

"Who should be 'on' now?" said LolJolteon, checking her legs weren't broken after Dracoru had sat on them.

"I dunno." Dannichu said, "Maybe we should do the spin-the-leaf thing they did in Pikachu's Pikaboo!"

"Where would we get a leaf?" Terra asked, really wanting to play again because being crushed in a closet was just so _fun_. Terra had a weird perception of the word 'fun'.

"I don't know." Dannichu admitted.

"Anyone have a Chikorita? A Grovyle? An Oddish?" CrazyPika asked, looking around.

"No, I have a Sceptile at home, but we're not allowed to bring Pokémon to PokéSchool." Butterfree said.

"I know!" Sianne yelled suddenly, "I'm thinking of a number between one and thirty-six million. Guess what it is!"

"Ten?"

"Twenty-five thousand?"

"Six hundred?"

"Five million, seven hundred and eighty-three?"

"Forty-two?"

"YES!" yelled Sianne, scaring Missing No, who had suggested 'forty-two', out of her mind, "Not only the right answer, but the meaning of life as well!"

"Riiiiiiiiight." Missing No said, backing away from the deranged Raichu.

"Okay, so Missing No and…?" Terra said, still wanting to play the game again.

"MEEEEE!" Sianne yelled, scaring Missing No again.

"Is that alright with everyone? Missing No and Sianne?" Dannichu asked.

"Can I hide as well?" Wilber asked, having never been picked to hide before.

"Sure!" Butterfree said. So Missing No, Sianne and Wilber all ran off through the dark corridor to hide.

Terra decided to add a bit of fun to the game and gave them until the end of the song "Pikachu's Comin'" to hide.

"Ninety-seven, ninety-eight, ninety-nine one hundred, everybody hide… 'cause Pikachu's Comin'!" hollered Rabid Psycho's hi-fi. Everyone poured out of the room when the song finished and went to find the three 'hiders'.

After several rounds of the game, everyone was very hyper, but aching so much from being crushed into confined spaces by everyone else, they decided it was in the interest of health and safety to play something else. So they played the game that you could expect any self-respecting (or, in this case, people who didn't give a pie about their reputation, or they wouldn't like Pokémon still. Go them!) bunch of teenagers would play: Truth or Dare.

Now if you've never played Truth or Dare before, I'll just have to ask you if you came from the moon. Really? You really didn't? Wow, you sure have had a sheltered upbringing. Anyway, basically you ask someone whether they want a "truth" or a "dare". If they choose "truth" you ask them a question and they HAVE to answer it truthfully. If they say "dare" you get to dare them to do something, normally completely outrageous, though if it's a little _too_ Farfetch'd (bad pun alert), they can ask for a different dare. Getting back to the story…

"Okay, who wants to dare someone?" Dannichu asked, after they had sat in a circle on the dormitory floor.

"Ooh! Ooh! Me! Pick me!" Sianne yelled, waving her hand around enthusiastically.

"Okay, Sianne, your turn."

"I ask… Sarah!"

"Which Sarah?" Rabid Psycho asked, finding that living with another Sarah could get very confusing.

"The Marshtomp!"

"Okay then… Dare!" Sarah said, grinning.

"I dare you… to…" Sianne whispered into Sarah's ear.

"No way! I'll get killed!" Sarah exclaimed, her eyes widening.

"You're turning the dare down?" Sianne smirked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Well… okay…" Sarah said, really annoyed how Sianne could manipulate her in ways that nobody could understand. She doubted even Sianne knew. Taking a deep breath that could easily be her last; she shot a jet of water at Daigree.

The entire room gasped. Daigree turned slowly around, dripping wet, his cold eyes almost on fire. Sarah gulped.

Daigree suddenly leaped across the room in one jump, his wet fur flicking water over everyone who was staring open-mouthed at Sarah's braveness and stupidity. Daigree leaped towards Sarah, his claws fully extended, when-

"Arghh!" Daigree yelled, hitting a barrier separating his claws from Sarah. He looked to see that Sarah had used Protect in order to save her lungs from being removed forcefully from her ribcage. Daigree smirked and leaped at her again, seeing that her Protect defense was wisping away at the edges. While Protect blocked all attacks, it didn't last long. Suddenly, he felt himself being grabbed from behind.

"I think you want to get to bed." Terra smiled cheerfully, holding his claws behind his back. Daigree tried to pull loose, but found it was futile against Terra's heavily muscled arms. "You need an early night," she said, "and didn't you know that bitterness causes wrinkles?"

Daigree, covered from head to toe in scars, really didn't care, but couldn't do anything as Terra sat him on her back and flew him back to The Lair of Insanity via the dormitory next door's window.

"Sianne… I will KILL you one day." Sarah growled at her friend.

"Your go, Sarah!" Sianne replied happily.

"Okay then… I dare…" Sarah looked around for someone to vent her anger on. She settled on Dannichu for making her live with Sianne, which was a good thing, but she was mad at her best friend right now. "Dannichu… to… um…" She said, not really knowing what to make Dannichu do. Then, Rabid Psycho leaned over to Sarah the Marshtomp and whispered in her ear.

"Yeah! Dannichu, I dare you to eat ketchup ice cream!" Sarah the Marshtomp said, smiling at her evilness.

"Um, okay." Dannichu went over to the table where the leftover party food stood and took a spoon of vanilla ice cream and then squirted some of Sparky's ketchup onto it. Then she put it in her mouth. Then she screamed.

"AAARRRGGHHH!" It's DISGUSTING! Oh dear pie, it's AWFUL!" But to spit it out would ruin the dare, and Dannichu hated not completing dares, so she winced and swallowed the foul mixture. Then she ran into the bathroom, whether she was puking or simply drinking water out of the tap nobody could tell, or really wanted to know.

Five minutes later, after Terra had reappeared and Dannichu had come out of the bathroom looking distinctly… green, they continued their game of physical torture.

"I dare Rabid Psycho!" Dannichu said immediately and then thought of the worst thing she could. This continued; everyone daring people to do horrible things or asking extremely private questions, until the order broke loose and everyone began yelling at everyone. Not in an angry way, but everyone was hyper and disgusted and being both extremely hyper and utterly disgusted is not a good recipe for peace. Suddenly…

"SHUT UP!" Nwacha yelled, bringing an instant peace to the room, as Nwacha very rarely yelled. Everyone turned to see Nwacha standing in the doorway, sweatdropping like crazy.

"They're coming!" Sparky said, sitting on Nwacha's back and gazing at the room with horror.

"Who is 'they'?" Butterfree asked with some constraint.

"The teachers!" Sparky said urgently, "They heard you all yelling and they've come up to see what's happening and they'll _kill_ you if they find out what happened here!"

"Ack!" Zizzo, Chatsy and most of the others exclaimed.

"Come on!" Butterfree said quickly, "help us put this table back!"

So everyone immediately sprang to work on getting the room back. Nwacha ran down the corridor and used Confuse Ray on the teachers, which bought the people and Pokémon rushing to make the room normal a little time.

Dracoru and Hlìn used a light Flamethrower on the balloons, causing then to melt and therefore pop with no noise. They were incinerated along with the tablecloth, streamers and paper cups and plates. Sparky swept up the ashes with a dustpan and brush he found in the store cupboard and put them in the bin. Everyone grabbed a bit of leftover food and ate it (Dannichu kept _away_ from the ice cream), clearing the table to be put back in its rightful place. The people from the other dorms ran back to their respective rooms and turned off the lights. As for the residents of The Lair on Insanity, they borrowed a rope from MewtwoFan and tied it to the window of Jolty and Espeon's dormitory, and slid down it, into the night. Just as Nwacha slid down the rope, Mewkitty leaped into bed and Butterfree turned off the light; the teachers entered the first dormitory, which happened to be Butterfree's. The first teacher stormed into the room, flicked on a light and demanded, "What on earth was all the noise coming from up here?"

Rabid Psycho did her best don't-wake-me-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-when-I'm-trying-to-sleep impression and yawned "What? What noise? We were all sleeping!"

"Yeah!" chimed in Dannichu.

"Why'd you have to come in and wake us up?" Chatsy demanded, thoroughly enjoying yelling at her teachers, "We were asleep and then you come banging in and wake us up and ask _us_ why _we're _making noise!"

"Well there was definitely a load of yelling coming from upstairs!" said another teacher, who was looking around the room and everyone really looked like they'd been asleep. Butterfree and the others were inwardly praying that they wouldn't be made to get out of bed; everyone was still wearing their daytime clothes. Mercifully there was suddenly a huge crash from the other end of the corridor, and the teachers ran, hoping to catch the culprit. Straining their ears to hear who had made the explosion, there was a sudden "MWA HA HA!" from the same location as the blast, and nobody really needed three guesses to know who it was. Suddenly there was another huge bang and everyone in the room saw their teachers being propelled backwards by some kind of psychic energy, all screaming.

"Live long and prosper, Butterfree!" Kadabra said, leaning his head around the door and saluting before teleporting off to goodness-knows-where.

"Thanks, Kadabra." all nine of them sighed.

"Sorry girls," said one of the teachers apologetically much later, after they had all recovered from Kadabra's Confusion attack, "we found out it was a Pokémon who was making all the noise, sorry we woke you up!"

"So you should be." Chatsy said, loving being cheeky to her teachers.

"Well, that was fun." Dannichu said, wiping her forehead.

"Yeah, I can't _believe_ we got away with that!" Mewkitty said.

"Didja like it though, Butterfree?" Dannichu asked anxiously, thinking of all the trouble that her Pokémon went through to make it nice for her.

Butterfree laughed. "It was brilliant."

**--End of part 3--**

**A/N:** Yes, I know it's really, really long, but I had real inspiration for this chapter. In case you thought I was joking, Do NOT try ketchup ice cream at home. Or anywhere. Especially not at your friend's birthdays when you're all hyper and someone dares you to do it. It is not nice. And I should know ;;;;;

Anyways, hope ya liked it Butterfree!


	4. Movie RipOff Time!

**A/N:** I apologize SO MUCH for the delay in posting this chapter. The reason for it was that I wrote chapter 4 when I was feeling depressed and the whole chapter came out full of angst and pain and stuff and I _really_ didn't like it so I decided to just scrap it and start chapter 4 again. Blame the addictiveness of Sonic Adventure Battle,too. Blame your computer. Blame that tree over there. Blame anyone. Just not me.

This was a challenge from Rabid Psycho, but not a phrase-full one like my other challenges. This one is fuuuuun. I have to cram into one chapter as many movie clichés as I can. I don't have a clue how many I'll manage, but I'll leave you with the fun of spotting them all! Have fun!

**Dedication: **Rabid Psycho, for the challenge, and Emerald Milotic, Miaka, Miki, Itzu and Charmander and Pichu for their reviews! I really appreciate it guys!

**--- Movie Rip-off Time! ---**

Sarah the Marshtomp was sleeping peacefully in her bed. She was having a nice dream, one about her fantasy world, "toothpaste land". She smiled in her sleep, seeing all the cheeses run free in the purple afternoon air. Then suddenly she was woken up by a buzzing noise coming from the other end of her room. Assuming it was Sianne, she just mumbled "go away Sianne" as grumpily as she could, though she did see the sunlight seeping through the curtains so she guessed it was probably time to get up anyway. The buzzing continued so Sarah opened her eyes slowly and rolled over in bed to see if there was anyone in her room. The door was closed and the only source of light other than the faint glimmer coming through her curtains was that emanating from her computer's screen.

Wait a sec; her computer screen? She never left her computer on overnight. She stepped sleepily out of bed and walked over to the computer. On closer inspection she found that it was indeed the computer that was making the noise. She was about to pull the power cord when a message came on screen.

_WAKE UP, SARAH._

"I am awake." Sarah said, irritated.

_FOLLOW THE WHITE RABBIT._

"What rabbit?" said Sarah, looking around to see if a rabbit had entered her bedroom and had turned on her computer.

_THE MATRIX HAS YOU._

"Matrix? Oh, that was the coolest movie! I loved it!" Sarah said happily, "I like the Oracle best! And all the Agent Smiths! Yeah, that scene in Matrix Reloaded with the millions of Agent Smiths… and then later on with the Key Maker. I liked the Key Maker. I didn't see why he had to die, though. The ghost twin thingies were really cool and stuff, how they could turn into ghosts any time they wanted to; oh, and then there was-"

_SARAH?_

"Yeah?" Sarah said, turning from her ramble to the computer screen again.

_SHUT UP._

"Fine! If that's your attitude!" Sarah said angrily and pulled the power cord on her computer. The message vanished from the screen. "Good," she said, dropping the cord to the floor. "Now for some breakfast." And with that she made her way downstairs.

"Oh no." said Blaise, a Quilava who was never seen out of her trademark red t-shirt, from the kitchen.

"What is it?" asked Wilber, an abnormally fat Pidgey, pecking at his morning bowl of millet and crushed iodine block.

"We're out of milk." Blaise replied, pushing aside the out-of-date opened cans of stuff and moldy blocks of cheese around the back of the fridge to check that there wasn't any that she hadn't seen. "Nope. No milk at all."

"I guess we'd better go and get some then, before everyone else gets up and wants something to put on their cornflakes." Wilber said, finishing his seed and taking his bowl out to the kitchen.

"Yeah." Blaise agreed. "If we go now we can get the bus into Lilycove and get some there."

"That's a good idea." Wilber nodded.

"Okay, just let me grab some bread…" The Quilava took a pita bread from the bread bin on the sideboard. "Okay, let's go."

Blaise and Wilber strolled down to the bus stop, chatting happily and Blaise was holding the pita just above her forehead, toasting it. Suddenly, rock chippings began to tremble. The ground began to shake slightly. Wilbur and Blaise looked up to see a huge stampede of wildebeest storming down the road, seemingly chasing after a screaming lion cub. Leaping onto the sidewalk, they narrowly missed getting gored by the wildebeest's horns. The reached the bus stop and waited for about three minutes before the bus arrived. They climbed aboard and Wilber paid the driver, a human who was used to the Lair of Insanity Pokémon getting on the bus with no trainer, 200 Poké-Yen-Whatevers and took two seats near the front. Blaise began eating her pita while Wilber took the window seat and stared out of the glass. He watched the fields and trees of Fortree change into the buildings and shops of Lilycove (metaphorically). They were nearing their destination when suddenly there was a loud "click" sound from nowhere. After a look from the driver, a trainer with a Skarmory sitting by Blaise stood up and began opening the overhead lockers. Then both the trainer and her Skarmory screamed.

"Aaarrrgghhh!" she yelled, reeling backwards and flying to avoid falling over, "There's a bomb on the bus!"

"It's active!" the Skarmory squawked, terrified.

"What?" another passenger shouted, standing up and looking at the parcel shelf in horror. All the other passengers were staring at each other in fear, their faces white.

"Let me see." said an older looking man wearing an electrician's jacket who was sitting with his Electrode from the back of the bus, running forward to take a closer look. Both the humans and Pokémon on the bus waited with baited breath as the man and his Electrode inspected the bomb. The driver was about to pull over into a lay-bye when suddenly the bomb-guy shouted. "No! If this bus' speed goes under 50 kilometers an hour; it'll explode!"

Pandemonium ensued. Everyone got out of their seats and began running around like lunatics. There was a young girl sitting with her older sister who had a Clefable and she burst into tears, scared of everyone's yelling. Blaise turned to look at Wilber, her face pale. Wilber looked around at everyone screaming and shouting and then fluttered to the front of the bus to see the driver, who was trying to drive along a small road at 50KPH and prevent having a nervous breakdown at the same time.

"Keep driving!" another human passenger said urgently.

"I don't plan on stopping!" the driver yelled back through gritted teeth and whilst sweatdropping like crazy, having to overtake all the slower vehicles on the road, which was a road where you weren't supposed to overtake people.

"AAARRRGGHHH!" Blaise screamed, running up and down the aisle and screaming her head off.

"Blaise!" The Pidgey shouted, trying to get her attention.

"AAAAAAARRRRRGHHHHHH!" Blaise continued to scream.

"BLAISE!" Wilber yelled.

"WHAT?" Blaise yelled back, stopping running but yelling at the same volume as she had been screaming.

"What do you think we should do?"

"CONTINUE SCREAMING! AAAAAAARRRRRGHHHHHH!" Blaise then began running up and down again, holding her head and screaming as loudly as she could.

"Blaise?" Wilber said as calmly as he could under the circumstances.

"YES?" Blaise shouted.

"THAT DOESN'T HELP!" screamed Wilber, leaping in the air and flapping his stubby wings to keep himself airborne.

"SURE IT DOES!"

"AAARRRGGHHH!" came a scream from behind them.

"What?" Blaise and Wilber both said, spinning around to see a pale-faced Furret pointing out of the windscreen.

"Look!"

Wilber and Blaise both turned their heads fearfully ahead where they saw a huge blue and white dragon-like creature flying across the road. They were about to collide with it. It turned its head and then opened its eyes wide. It saw a huge bus coming towards it at about 55 KPH and it showed no signs of stopping or even slowing down. Then, suddenly, the bus and the dragon-creature began shining with a bright purple light. Blaise, Wilber and everyone else on the bus closed their eyes and braced for the hit…

"Wilber! Wilber!"

"Murgh?" The obese bird Pokémon mumbled incoherently.

"Wake up Wilber!" Blaise's voice sounded anxious.

"Huh… Waitasec!" Wilber shouted suddenly, sitting bolt upright, "This isn't Kansas!"

"Kansas? What on earth are you talking about?" Blaise looked at Wilber, wondering if he had hit his head harder than she thought after Latios had made their bus levitate in order to miss him and then made the bomb vaporize harmlessly. Wilber had been standing in the aisle so he fell forwards and hit his head on a seat and blacked out for a bit. Everyone was all right though, most sitting around waiting for a friend or relative to come and pick them up, some looking over to see if the Pudgy Pidgey was alright.

"But the Good Witch of the East got me back to Kansas!" Wilber insisted.

"It was just a dream, Wilber." Blaise said calmly.

"But it was so real! And _you_ were there!" he said deliriously, pointing to Blaise, "and _you_ were there!" he pointed to the driver, "and even you bunch of insignificant extras who are only in the story for the sake of being on the bus for the "Speed" rip-off, _you_ were there too!"

The random extras looked insulted.

Loanlee sat down at the table noiselessly. She put down her Thick Club, picked up her spoon and began eating her cereal. She was just taking a mouthful of cornflakes when suddenly she bit down on something hard. It really hurt her teeth and she could feel her eyes welling up with tears because of the pain. She glanced up and saw Hypello the Swinub talking animatedly to the Charizard, Hlìn. She couldn't let them see her crying so she dropped her spoon, grabbed her Club and ran upstairs into her room. The moment she got into her room, she shut the door and locked it. Then the Marowak sat on her bed and howled. She cried loudly for about ten minutes, screaming about the unfairness of it all and how all her teeth were probably going to fall out and then her mouth would get infected and she would die. Then she spat out the hard thing, which was still in her mouth. She carefully lifted off her skull helmet and opened her mouth wide, still hiccoughing because she had cried so much. She felt around her mouth to see if she had chipped any of her teeth. After running her paw around the inside of her mouth twice, she decided that she hadn't. She carefully put her helmet back on and then walked over to the thing she had hurt her mouth on.

It was a ring. Stupid, evil free gift from the stupid, evil cereal company. She picked it up carefully and examined it. Looking it over, she could see no markings on it, not even dents from where she had bitten it. Loanlee then put it on her helmet so on one horn she had the ragged pink ribbon she always wore, and on the other side she had the ring. She unlocked the door, picked her Club off the bed and wandered downstairs again.

"Where'd you get the ring, Loanlee?" Hypello asked on her arrival back in the dining room.

Loanlee shrugged and sat down to her unfinished bowl of cornflakes. She pushed them around the side of the bowl with her spoon. They had gone all soggy. Life sucked. Loanlee stood up again and went over to the drain to throw away her mushy breakfast. On her way, she accidentally stood on the tip of Hlìn's tail. She suddenly felt as if her foot was on fire and, looking down, she saw that it was. She leaped about three meters into the air, waving her arms about. Unfortunately, one of her arms was holding her Thick Club and she managed to hit Hlìn over the head with it. Hlìn, while having much more self-control than Sianne (who would use Thunderbolt because a fly landed on her nose), couldn't help but use Flamethrower. The pain coursing through the huge lizard's head was unbearable and Hlìn's short-tempered natural Charizard instinct kicked in, so she opened her mouth and unleashed the biggest Flamethrower she could. The fiery attack hit the poor Marowak, who was still screaming because of the pain in her foot, with full force. While her outer skull protected her from the majority of the fire, her shoulders and arms were scalded. Loanlee then began running around the dining room, screeching at the top of her lungs.

"Sarah! _Sarah_!" Hypello yelled, seeing the pain Loanlee was in, before making a snowball to serve as an icepack to put on Hlìn's bruise. The Marshtomp appeared at the door and saw Loanlee tearing around the room, screaming.

"Loanlee! What on earth is the matter?" Sarah shouted, getting no response from Loanlee but more screams.

"She accidentally made Hlìn use Flamethrower on her!" Hypello said quickly, "use a light Water Gun!"

"Right!" Sarah said before drawing back her head and then firing a light jet of water over the frenzied Marowak.

Loanlee felt her skin cool immediately. She then began feeling the pain of the water hitting her skin and jumped out of the way of Sarah's attack. She grabbed her Thick Club and ran back up to her room, still crying.

"Sheesh... talk about over-sensitive… Hlìn, are you okay?"

"I'll be alright" Hlìn said though a swollen jaw and examining her head in Kerrigan's mirror that was left by the table, "I've got bruises on my jaw and upper skull, but I can't see any danger of a concussion or anything. It'll hurt for a couple of days though."

"That's good to know." Sarah sighed.

"Hey! What's that on the floor?" Hypello said, pointing his snout in the direction of something sparkly lying on the floor about three feet from Hlìn. Sarah went over to pick it up.

"It's a ring!" she exclaimed.

"That would be Loanlee's. She was wearing it on her skull when she came down. I guess it must have fallen off." Hypello said.

"What do these mean?" Sarah asked, holding the ring up.

"These?" Hypello strained his eyes to see. Even though he had been blessed with eyes, something one in a million Swinub had, he was still a little shortsighted.

"These markings." Sarah said, looking at the ring carefully, "they're really pretty. I think it might be some kind of language!"

"Let me see," Hlìn continued holding Hypello's makeshift icepack on her head but walked over to Sarah. She peered down at the ring in Sarah's hands. "Very interesting." she said slowly, "it _is_ a language."

"What kind?" Hypello asked, intrigued.

"I can't remember, it's been a long time since I've seen these kind of markings anywhere. I could try and translate it for you though."

"That would be great!" Sarah and Hypello choused.

"Okay… I think it's like this… 'One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.'"

"What do you think that means?" asked Hypello.

"I have no idea." Hlìn replied truthfully.

"I'll just chuck it out. It's just one of those cereal thingies that change color when you warm it." said Sarah, taking the ring over to the bin, "I want some cornflakes."

Sianne was, as usual, the last to get up. It was not so much out of laziness (though that did play a part) but because she was so hyperactive during the day that at night her body had to rest because Sianne's Raichu body just physically couldn't take 24 hours of leaping around insanely.

She fell out of bed at about 11AM and stumbled into the bathroom. She had a quick shower and then leaped out, hyper as ever. She ran downstairs and was about to go into the kitchen and through to the dining room when she noticed a note on the doormat.

"Ooohhh! Post!" she squealed and bounced over to it. She picked it up and looked at it. On it was written just seven words, written in some kind of blood-red ink. Or was it really blood?

"Hmm… 'I know what you did last summer'…" Sianne read the note carefully. Then her face paled and she began sweating. "Oh no!" she yelled, "Someone must have _seen_ me raid that Nutri-Grain truck! Oh dear pie! It was an accident! The Vertical Pies made me do it!" She leant closer to the note, trying to see any sign of who it was from. Then she suddenly realized what the note was actually written in "Oh dear pie!" she screamed again, "I've been wanting a cherry-scented gel-pen for ages! I wonder where they got it?" with that she put the note in the bin and proceeded to wreak havoc on the Pokémon eating breakfast.

Luke the Zangoose was sitting in the living room, engrossed in his book, "Tortilla Flats" (a darn good book) when suddenly the doorbell rang. Seeing as he was in the room closest to the front door, he put his Espeon bookmark to save his page and went to answer the door.

He opened the door and saw two elderly-looking people, a man and a woman, and also a younger woman.

"Um, can I help?" Luke asked the younger woman.

"She can't talk. She is a mute." The elderly lady explained, "Ever since the realized we were dead, she hasn't said a word. We were wondering if we could work in this house. The times I spent here were the best in my life…"

"I really think you've got the wrong house," said Luke, far too polite to point them in the direction of the Mauville mental hospital, "This house was built about three months ago, after Sianne completely destroyed it, so we had to re-build it. Well, Dracoru rebuilt it, at least. Anyway, are you sure you've got the right place?" The Zangoose looked up and saw that the three people had vanished. "Huh? Where'd they go?" He rubbed his eye and looked around. There was nobody. Puzzled, he shut the door, retuned to his chair in the living room and continued reading.

After about half an hour, the doorbell rang again. Once again, Luke sat up, put in his bookmark and went to answer the door. But having got there, he found that it was knocked to the ground. In the doorway he saw a huge man, very wild-looking, holding an umbrella in one hand and a birthday cake in the other. He bent down to look Luke in the eye. "You're a wizard, Harry." He said, full of pride.

"Umm…" Luke said, scared of the huge man. "I think you may have got the wrong address."

"You mean this ain't 'Arry Potter, Hut-on-the-Rock?" the giant inquired.

"Um, no." said Luke, trebling.

"Oh. Okay then." The huge man said, before poking the door with his umbrella, which immediately re-attached itself to its hinges. "Ah, I see." He said, pointing at the plaque on the side of the house, which Dannichu and Rabid Psycho had made, all in different-sized fonts. "Lair of Insanity, eh? Well Hut-on-Rock, Lair of Insanity, it's all the same." He then closed the door behind him, and was never seen by Luke again.

"I'll be back soon!" Kerrigan the Absol yelled to no one in particular. She shut the front door behind her and made her way into the Fortree market, up by the thickest trees. She loved market day; there were so many pretty things for sale and it was all so cheap, too! She climbed the ladder up one of the tallest trees and walked along the creaky bridges that enabled people to get from one tree to another. Creaky as they were, Kerrigan had lived by Fortree for a lot of her life, even before being captured by Dannichu and had complete faith in the rickety bridges. After a little more walking the treetops, Kerrigan found the place where the markets were held on Thursdays, in the biggest oak trees in the whole of Fortree where people from miles around flocked to buy the amazing things for sale there. Kerrigan looked around at the stalls. Some of them were ones that sold food; she looked hungrily at the chocolate-selling stall as she remembered she was on a diet and then saw another food stall. The human behind the counter showed her his large display of fresh meat. Kerrigan wrinkled her nose in disgust. Just because she was a Dark type didn't mean she sunk as low as eating animal flesh! That was something that only humans and the most unscrupulous of Pokémon did.

Kerrigan hurried past the stalls selling dolls and plants, the ones selling trainers items and Pokéballs, and then she came to her favorite part of the market; the beauty stalls. Each stall had on display amazing clothes and jewelry. Kerrigan's eyes glittered almost as much as the little diamonds in the rings and necklaces on display. She looked around for something that would suit her perfectly. She glanced around and saw a stall she was unfamiliar with, which was odd since Kerrigan came to the market every Thursday. She looked at the things laid out on the table. There were pairs of golden earrings, amazing jewels, golden goblets, bronze statues and many other amazing things besides. But one thing caught Kerrigan's eye; an old medallion on a chain. It looked rather old, but it was amazing and made of solid gold.

"Excuse me," Kerrigan said to the human behind the counter. He was old and looked very bedraggled, his face hidden by a large hat but Kerrigan didn't notice; most of the time she was too taken up with how she looked to bother looking at anyone else, "How much is this?"

"The medallion?" he questioned, leaning forwards. Kerrigan failed to realixe that a., he could understand her Absol language, and b., notice that he had just one eye because she was gazing intently at the medallion, "Arg… about 2,000 Credits, methinks."

"Only 2,000?" Kerrigan repeated, amazed at how cheap it was, "I'll take it!" so she happily handed over the money to the strange man, took the medallion and put it around her neck. She looked closer at it and saw that it had a skull and crossbones impressed on it, but she didn't really mind that it was creepy. She strutted proudly around the rest of the market, stopping only to buy some yogurt-covered raisins. After eating them, she began making her way home. She climbed carefully down the ladder, something very hard to do with four legs, especially ones as thin as an Absol's, and walked across the fields and back to The Lair of Insanity. On her way, she felt like someone was following her. She stopped and turned around, but saw nobody there. After walking for another three or four minutes, she noticed that there _was_ someone behind her; she could see their shadow. It was a human, she decided, or a human-shaped Pokémon. She suddenly stopped and whirled around, her dark blade gleaming. She saw a male human standing there, and he jumped when he saw Kerrigan growling at him.

"What do you want?" she demanded.

"'Scuse me miss… but I was wonderin' if you could hand me over that medallion there." He said in the same accent as the human who had sold her the medallion in the first place.

"No!" Kerrigan said, outraged, "It's mine!"

"It belongs," said the human, getting angry, "to the Black Pearl!"

"The black what? Oh, go away. Go get your own necklace."

"You are not leaving," he said, "until you give me that medallion!"

A couple of Slash attacks later, the human lay sprawled on the ground with red marks over his face.

"Humph." Kerrigan remarked before trotting back home.

"How do you type so fast?"  
"Sianne, _please_, I'm trying to write, here!"

"But it's so fun! I want a computer! You have one! Sarah has one! Dracoru has one! Why can't I?" Sianne moaned.  
"We'll get you one later," Hlìn promised, exasperated, "_please_, Sianne, just leave me in peace! I don't want to be mean, but I really don't like people reading what I'm writing over my shoulder!"

"What does this do?" Sianne asked, pointing at the "Reset" button.

"Don't touch it!" Hlìn yelled, grabbing Sianne's paw in order to stop her pressing it, "I haven't saved!"

"Then what does this do?" she pointed at the "Esc" key on the keyboard.

"It's the 'escape' key. Don't touch that either!"

"What about this?"  
"That's 'Caps Lock'."

"And this?"

"That's 'F1'."

"And this?"

"That's 'F2'."

"And this?"  
"That's 'F3', infidel!"

"Ooohh… what about THAT one?" Sianne said eagerly, pointing at a red button just below the monitor.

"I'm… not really sure what that does." Hlìn admitted.

"Let's find out!" Sianne said happily, pushing it.

"NO!" Hlìn yelled, too late.

There was a slight rumble before the CD drive on the computer disappeared and in its place there was a large hole.

"You idiot! Look at what you've done!" Hlìn moaned, mourning the injury to her beloved computer.

"Ooo… look!"

"What now?" Hlìn groaned.

"A Pokéball!" Sianne pointed eagerly.

"A Pokéball?" Hlìn looked and saw a whole stream of Pokéballs come pouring out of the hole in her computer. "ACK!"

"Hey, cool!" Sianne yelled happily, "That must have connected to Dannichu's storage system and sent over all her Pokémon!"

"All?" repeated Hlìn faintly, before realizing what Sianne was about to do, "NO! SIANNE!"

"Wheee!" Sianne sang happily, throwing all the Pokéballs in the air, causing all the Pokémon in them to burst forth.

"SIANNE!" Hlìn screamed

"What?" Sianne asked, looking at all the Pokémon materialize in front of her eyes. "Hey! Souriee!" Sianne then ran over to the Pikachu that has just materialized, "How're you doing?"

"Sianne!" said the hyper Pikachu happily

"Wheee!" sang Sianne again, throwing all the Pokéballs in the air.

"Sianne! Stop it!" Hlìn yelled.

"Why?" Sianne asked, throwing two Pokéballs into the air, making them hit the light fixture before falling to the ground and releasing Connie the Sceptile and Canis the Mightyena.

"You can't let all of them out!" Hlìn shouted, her face white.

"Why?" Sianne said, barely paying attention and juggling with about eight Pokéballs, every time she dropped one it would burst open and discharge another Pokémon.

"Because the house isn't big enough!"

"But it's so fun!" Sianne shouted with glee, throwing all ten Pokéballs she was holding in the air, letting loose ten, mercifully relatively small, Pokémon.

"You've got to stop it! Now!" Hlìn had to scream at the top of her voice in order to be heard over the talking of all the Pokémon now in the room.

"Wheee!" either Sianne didn't hear or didn't care, probably a mixture of both, because she just grabbed as many Pokéballs as she could, signaled to Souriee to do the same and they ran out into the front garden.

The Pokémon being sent over belonged to a mix of trainers. Some belonged to Dannichu or Rabid Psycho and loads of them were only temporarily there, while their trainers were off at Pokéschool. However, most of them were trainerless and being looked after by Hikaru. Hikaru was a Mew who, after seeing the appalling treatment that some Pokémon go through, set up a reserve for them in a place that no human could ever reach unless they knew precisely where it was. This reserve was known as the Gardens, and Hikaru's main helper was Zizzo, Rabid Psycho's sister, whose life had been saved by Hikaru when she was little. However, while Zizzo had gone off with Dannichu and the others for a week's worth of Pokéschool, the Pokémon were being stored in the computer system a lot, since it was too much work to look after them all without Zizzo around. Virtually all the Pokémon in the Gardens were great friends with those of the Lair of Insanity, some even relations.

"No!" Hlìn cried, but it was too late. The Pikachu and Raichu threw every Pokéball, Lureball, Ultraball and Nestball they were holding and set free about twenty Pokémon in the front garden. It was a miracle they were outside because some of the Pokémon released were huge.

"Oh pie…" Hlìn wailed. Ferra the Lairon, Russell the Linoone, Pele the Combusken… everyone from Sixfour the Treecko to Pacific the Lapras.

This was getting way out of hand.

Sianne turned her head and motioned to Souriee to run back into the house, leaving a load of Pokéballs and confused Pokémon in the garden for Hlìn to deal with. Souriee was hyper and delighted to be back and to cause trouble with his best friend. They ran back into Hlìn's room, which was extremely crowded with all the Pokémon they had released earlier, though most of them were making themselves at home and wandering into the other rooms. A scream from upstairs confirmed that Mort the Dusclops had found Sparky's room.

"Mom!" Becky and Deanna, the Jolteon and Vaporeon shouted, running over to a slightly fat Eevee who had just been sent out.

Finding this game just too fun to stop, Sianne and Souriee grabbed yet more Pokéballs and chucked them across the room, releasing all the Pokémon inside.

"Sianne! Souriee! Stop this now!" Hlìn panted, trying to get into her room through the door but finding it hard to get past all the Mudkip in the doorway. "I never knew Dannichu had this many Mudkip."

"Thay're not hers." Souriee explained, "Hikaru's looking after them while Alex is at Pokéschool."

"Chloe! Ollie! Marcus! Jake! Mary!" came Sarah's voice from behind Hlìn; "I haven't seen you in ages!"

"What?" Hlìn asked in confusion,

"My cousins! All bred from Alex's Swampert and Azumarill! There are eighteen of them, if I remember correctly!" Sarah said delightedly.

"This can't be happening." Hlìn moaned.

"Wow! Sleet!" Sarah exclaimed happily, seeing the Walrein materialize in Hlìn's bedroom, "How are you?"

Hlìn decided now was a good time to get Terra and Dracoru; Dracoru had at least some control over Sianne.

"Yay!" Sianne shouted in jubilation, "Del's Wingull collection!"

"You mean all of them?" asked Sarah

"Yup!" Sianne said, releasing all thirty Wingull at once.

"Why does she need so many?" Souriee wondered.

"Del, y'know, the flying-obsessed one? She comes around sometimes with her shiny Pelliper, Glans."

"Oh, her! The one that flies by tying herself to about thirty million Wingull?"

"That's her."

All the Wingull flew up and landed in a neat row on Hlìn's curtain rail.

"Mine," said one.

"Mine, mine," agreed another.

"Mine! Mine!" shouted a third.

Pretty soon all thirty Wingull were shouting "Mine!" as loudly as they could.

"I can't take much more of this…" Hlìn moaned, grabbing all the Nest Balls on the floor and recalling the Wingull.

Kerrigan was walking happily home from the market, pleased with her new medallion. But as she drew nearer to the house, she noticed all the Pokémon on the lawn. Then she yelled.

"Aaaahhh!" came Kerrigan's scream from outside.

"What now?" Hlìn groaned, running outside clutching all the Wingull's Pokéballs. "What is it, Kerri?" she asked once she was outside.

"Look!" Kerrigan pointed to the outside of the house. Hlìn's face paled. Stramsted, a slightly vicious Vigoroth that belonged to Psycho's friend Emily, was climbing the house from the outside.

"Get down!" Hlìn yelled. Stramsted ignored her and continued climbing. He was about four floors up, by Nwacha and Sparky's room and was gaining speed. "You could fall!" she tried again, but with no effect.

"What should we do?" Kerrigan asked in panic.

"I'll fly up and see if I can make him climb down." Hlìn put all the Wingull Pokéballs carefully on the floor and flew over to where Stramsted was climbing.

"Get down! You could fall!" Hlìn yelled.

Stramsted tried to swat her away with his claws, but Hlìn pre-empted his attack and dodged.

"Get down now, idiot!"

Vigoroth at the best of times have short tempers, and Stramsted was no exception. Letting go of the wall he was climbing he leaped at Hlìn, his claws fully extended. Hlìn ducked and watched with horror as the Vigoroth flew over her head and toward the ground. Mercifully, Sianne ran out of the house at that moment and saw Stramsted hurtling toward the ground. Letting go of her insanity for a brief moment, she decided to be clever and threw Stramsted's Ultraball at him. He disappeared into the ball in a flash of green colored light and the ball fell harmlessly to the ground. Hlìn picked it up and glared at Sianne. 

"Recall all of them now."

"Do I have to?"

"If you want to continue breathing."

"You're not one to make death threats Hlìn!" said Sarah, coming out of the house, talking to her Mudkip cousins.

"I'm not. I'm saying what Dannichu would say, were she here."

Sianne opened her mouth to argue, before realizing Hlìn was right. She grudgingly picked up all the Pokéballs littering the floor and recalled all the Pokémon on the lawn, sending them back to the Gardens.

"Whatever you want, whatever you need, you know you can always count on me…" hummed Nwacha in the huge upstairs bath. Nwacha enjoyed either humming or quietly singing in the bath or shower (preferably the bath, as it was gigantic), he found it very relaxing. Nobody complained at all, it was infinitely preferable to Sianne screaming "BORN TO BE A WINNER!" every morning in the shower.

"Never too far from home…" Nwacha hummed, rubbing soap on his back. He opened his eyes and then saw a shadow beneath the bubbles flash past him. Nwacha looked carefully under the layer of bubbles but couldn't see anything. He continued washing himself but then saw the shadow again. There was definitely something there. Nwacha brushed aside all the bubbles from the bit of water that he was trying to look at and squinted to try and see anything. Seeing nothing, Nwacha scratched his head, trying to think of what might have caused the shadow. Suddenly, Nwacha felt something breathing on his back. Then he heard a slight growl. He slowly turned around in the bath and was greeted by a huge set of jaws. Jaws belonging to Thames, a Sharpedo.

"AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!"

Nwacha leaped out of the bath as fast as was physically possible, seeing Thames' Crunch where he would have been.

Someone had let Dannichu's Pokémon out of their Pokéballs.

Oh, Sianne was _sooooo_ dead…

"Hlìn…" Sparky, Sarah and Sianne said at the same time, looking hopeful.

"What?" she asked irritably, clutching as many various Pokéballs as she could.

"You know Souriee?" Sarah asked, while Hlìn racked her brains.

"Isn't he the Pikachu? The one with the Goggles?"

"That's him." The three said, stepping aside, where he stood, virtually all traces of weirdness gone, replaced by a face of someone who thinks they are about to be eaten by a Charizard.

"Well, we were wondering if it would be okay if he came and stayed here? With us? He says he'd sooner live here where all his best friends are than in the Gardens."

Hlìn breathed deeply and said "Okay. I don't see why Dannichu and Psycho would have a problem with that. And I just don't care anymore." With that she turned to her computer and began posting the ball back into the slot in her computer.

Hlìn sighed and wiped her brow, before clicking the "send" button on her computer's Pokémon Transportation System, sending the last of the Pokémon back to the lab. This was just great. She had just found out that both Deanna and Luke's rooms had been completely destroyed by Sianne sending out Connor the Wailord in the Vaporeon's room, causing the huge Float Pokémon to crash right through her floor and almost crush Luke.

"Whoever invented "easy transportation" should be shot at dawn". Hlìn said to nobody in particular. "Lanette, do not be surprised to be the victim of a contact killer next week".

Hlìn turned and saw Souriee and Sarah by the door, staring at her.

"What? When I'm stressed, I get deaththreatful."

Sarah looked at Souriee and raised an eyebrow.

"'Deaththreatful'?"

"Shut up."

Hlìn was glaring at Sarah, Sarah was staring back and Souriee was desperately trying not to laugh. Hlìn was so funny when she got mad.

Hlìn and Sarah's glaring contest was interrupted by a loud pounding at the door. Souriee ran off, still trying not to laugh and opened the door. Outside there stood about twenty men and women, all looking very 'official', dressed in business suits, etcetera.

"Can I help…?" Souriee stammered, not liking the look of anger etched on every one of the people's faces and wondering if hoards of angry people were commonplace in the LoI.

"Is there an author under the name of "Dannichu" in?" asked a woman in a snappy voice.

"No, she's away at the moment." Souriee said, sounding scared. Suddenly Hlìn and Sarah came to the door, wondering what the noise was.

"What are you all here for?" Sarah asked, staring at them all.

"I'm here to launch a lawsuit on a person under the name of "Dannichu"" said a man wearing a tie and holding a large briefcase, "as he or she violated the copyright law on the film 'The Others'.

"I'm representing my client, who wishes to sue due to the stealing of situations from the movie 'Speed'. Shouted another, from the back of the crowd.

Suddenly, the crowd at the door went into an uproar, everyone yelling about how a 'Dannichu' had stolen one film or another from their clients.

"And," said a Japanese-looking man who was wearing a Bulbasaur t-shirt; "this person stole the concept of Pokémon from me!"

Sarah, Hlìn and Souriee stared at one another.

"RUN!" they yelled, tearing back into the house and barricading the door.

**--End of Part 4 –**

**A/N:** Just to be on the safe side, I'll put a disclaimer here, as I doubt even Bill Gates could survive all the lawsuits one would get from stealing all the movies I just did. So…

I don't own ahem: The Others, Harry Potter, The Matrix, Speed, The Lion King, Jaws, The Lord of the Rings, King Kong, Finding Nemo, I Know What You Did Last Summer, The Wizard of Oz, Pirates of the Caribbean or bursts into tears Pokémon. Happy now?


	5. House Improvement Sianne Style

**A/N**: Lessee. I just finished writing chapter four of this darned fanfic while I should actually be revising for my exams or at least getting some sleep because I was woken up at 4 in the morning last night all thinks to my psychopathic budgerigar, Swablu. So now I've got to hunch over the computer for hours, typing the kind of insanity that you weird people actually _enjoy_ reading while turning my Lord of the Rings/Totally Pokémon soundtrack up as high as my CD Walkman will allow, drinking extra-caffeine coffee and propping my eyelids open with matchsticks in order to keep me from falling asleep at the keyboard. I did that once. I ended up with fifty-four pages of the letter "h". ahem

I have made a point in this chapter to NOT include any films. Having looked back through the other chapters, at least one film is watched every chapter, and they play a major role in two, which probably confused people who haven't seen the films mentioned. Sorry people.

Okay, better shut up now or my Author's Notes will be longer than the actual fic. That said, has anyone else noticed how ridiculously long my chapters are? This fic is about 50-something pages and I've still got to write chapters 6 and 7! Oo This is gonna be one _long_ fanfic…

**Dedication:** To Missing No, Emerald Milotic and my adorabibble Mudkip plushie! Cuteness!

**Disclaimer: **This is part of my cunning ploy. I'm NOT putting a disclaimer this time and I'm seeing if anyone comes and sues me! Now all I've got to do is sit back and watch the lawsuits roll in… little do they know I spent all my money on Pokémon Colosseum last Friday! Fufufu…

**---House Improvement – Sianne Style---**

Nwacha opened his eyes slowly and then scrunched them shut, protecting them against the intense ray of sunlight peering through the gap in his curtains. In the bunk below him, Sparky the Pikachu was snoozing happily, hugging his Azurill plushie and murmuring in his sleep. Nwacha leaned across to his bedside table and looked at the clock. It was 2PM. Not really wanting to waste a day sleeping, the Umbreon dragged himself out of bed, and went into the bathroom to brush his teeth. That done, he went back into the bedroom and put his trademark Blackglasses on the top of his head. Then he went to wake up Sparky.

"Hey… hey Sparky. Wake up." He said, prodding Sparky slightly.

"Murrm?" Sparky mumbled.

"You planning to get up sometime today?" Nwacha asked, smiling.

"Uh, yeah!" Sparky smiled and then went to go and brush his teeth in the bathroom while Nwacha made his way downstairs to have breakfast. Sparky turned the bathroom door handle but it was locked. So he knocked at the door. "Hello?"

"Find your heart and free your mind, let's CELE-B-R-A-T-E! Time goes by, just hit rewind, let's CELE-B-R-A-T-E!" hollered Sianne, obviously singing in the shower again.

"Sianne are you nearly done? I just need to brush-"

"So take your time y'all; TIME WILL TAKE YOU!" came the weird Raichu's response, more than a couple of notes off.

Sparky sighed and went downstairs; he could do his teeth later - anything to get away from Sianne's singing.

Sianne, however, was completely unaware that Sparky had been standing at the door; ever since she had developed her habit of singing in the bath or shower, Dracoru had purposely re-made the bathroom every time to be soundproof, though Sianne's singing was so loud the houses' residents doubted a vacuum could have blocked her singing.

Having washed her fur thoroughly, the Raichu hopped out of the bath, which was a mistake. The top part of her tail, the lightning-shaped bit, had become stuck in the faucet and when she leaped out it pulled so much that Sianne spontaneously used Thunderbolt on the tap. The pipe, being made of metal and filled with water was the perfect conductor and it shot throughout the entire house's piping system. Firstly it shot straight up the shower and it began raining sparks on Sianne who failed to care, but was just mad at the tap for trapping her tail. Nwacha, who was filling up the kettle at that exact moment, was fried because the electricity came pouring out of the tap, down the flow of water and exploded the kettle in his face.

_Will there ever be a morning where Sianne's low tolerance of inanimate objects will not cause something to combust? _Nwacha thought to himself, casting his mind back to Monday when Sianne had nearly destroyed the food processor and then it sought revenge on the whole house. Anyway, since the entire houses' piping work was now successfully wrecked, Nwacha figured he had better ask Dracoru to hire some people to fix it. He gave a long sigh, picked up the pieces of carbonized kettle, making sure to place them securely in the bin, and went up to the attic.

Sianne happily pulled her tail out of the pile of ashes that once made up the shower and bath tap. She hopped out of the bath, dried herself and went downstairs for some breakfast, oblivious to having destroying the houses' entire piping system.

Dracoru flicked vacantly through Yellow Pages, looking for "Plumbers". His eyes fell on one advert, decorated with mushrooms and showing the advert for "The Two Mustachioed Men". The Salamence read through the ad, checking for any small print and seeing none, picked up his cordless and dialed the number, asking if they could rebuild the houses' plumbing system after it had been utterly caramelized by an extremely strong Thunderbolt attack.

Less than an hour after Dracoru's phone call, the plumbers arrived riding little green dinosaurs that were carrying their plumbing equipment. They knocked at the door only to be greeted by Kerrigan the Absol, who was waiting to see if the plumbers were good-looking. She looked them up and down. The first one was terrible. No dress sense at all, couldn't he _see _how bad that red outfit looked on him? He was also on the chubby side and not to mention very short. The first one hadn't met her quota so she peered past him to the second one. The green overalls he wore weren't as bad as the first plumber's red ones, but still not particularly attractive; he was tall which was good and not fat either, though the mustache could definitely go. The second one was okay, Kerrigan thought. She was about to say something to the second one when suddenly Sparky came to the door and then pushed past her.

"Aww! Your dinosaurs are so CUTE!" Sparky squealed, looking upon the dinosaurs with trainers with bubbly eyes. "They're just adorable!"

Nwacha and followed Sparky to the door and, when he noticed that it was the plumbers, he pushed Kerrigan out of the way and invited them in.

"Want a cup of tea?" Nwacha asked, leading them into the newly refurbished kitchen and put the kettle on.

"Yes a-please," said the plumber wearing red, with a strong Italian accent. The one in green, who Kerrigan was still eyeing, just nodded.

"So basically, what we need you to do is-" Nwacha was interrupted by Sianne, Blaise, Sarah and Hlìn poking their heads into the kitchen to see who had arrived.

"Who's this?" asked Sarah, pointing to the Two Mustachioed Men.

"These are the plumbers Dracoru had to hire after Siannedestroyed our entire piping system this morning." Nwacha explained, glaring at Sianne.

"The tap was evil." Sianne said bluntly. "It deserved to die. I'm sure it's getting its comeuppance in faucet hell right now. Heh heh."

"Um, this is our resident insanist, Sianne. Pay her no mind." Nwacha continued, waving a paw in Sianne' direction, who was causing the Mustachioed Men to stare at her 'tap-being-tortured-in-hell' impersonation. "So what we need you to do is take out all our broken, melted or otherwise destroyed pipes and fit in new ones. Is that okay?"

Both plumbers nodded, took their cups of tea and went outside to their dinosaur-creatures to unload all their plumbing stuff.

"Yoshi!" said one of the dinosaurs happily, before extending its tongue and swallowing Sparky whole.

"Oh dear pie!" yelled Nwacha, horrified at seeing his best friend getting eaten.

"Look!" Sarah said, pointing. The dinosaur-thing laid a large green-and-white egg, which was shaking. Nwacha went over and smashed immediately, praying that Sparky would be inside. He was, though very shaken up.

"What on earth was that dinosaur doing, eating Sparky like that?" demanded Hlìn angrily.

"Yoshi! We've a-told you time and time again not to eat out customers!" the green plumber said slightly angrily to the dinosaur, who was extending its tongue to attempt to swallow Sparky again. Sianne thought that being turned into an egg looked like fun, so she leaped in front of the same dinosaur and was promptly swallowed.

"Sianne!" screamed Sarah, and then grabbed the dinosaur-thing and shook it up and down repeatedly, trying to get Sianne out.  
"Yoshi!" the dinosaur shouted and swiftly laid another egg, this time Raichu-sized, which wobbled a bit before being shattered by a blast of electricity.  
"Are you all right?" Sarah asked, looking down at Sianne, who was sitting happily in a pile of eggshell.

"That was so fun! I wanna do that again!" Sianne said happily and ran around to the front of the dinosaur for another go.

"Nooo." Hlìn said, grabbing Sianne by the shoulders. She had learned from experience that grabbing Sianne by the tail was a bad idea, as she, having the type disadvantage, was very affected if hit by one of Sianne's super-strong electrical attacks.

"So, a-where shall we begin?" the red plumber asked in his Italian voice.

"How about the bathroom?" Nwacha suggested, "That's where the worst melting or destruction would have happened."

"Let-a go!" said the red one, and Nwacha and Sparky led him and the green one into the house and toward the bathroom.

"What should we do now?" Sianne asked hyperly.

"I know what _you_ should do." Hlìn said sharply.

"What?" Sianne asked, snapping her head around so fast it was scary.

"You, Sianne, are going to repaint Luke's room." said Hlìn firmly.

"Why?" Blaise asked, intrigued.

"Because," explained the Charizard, "If I remember correctly, Sianne was the one to release the Wailord in Deanna's room, correct?"  
"Yes…" said Sianne slowly.

"And did or did not that Wailord fall right through the floor and destroy Luke's room?"  
"Yes…"

"Well, after talking it over with Luke, we thought it was fair that, as punishment, you should be the one to redecorate it." Hlìn said, "Dracoru did most of the work yesterday evening while we were at the cinema, he refitted the floorboards and ceiling himself, as well as readoing Deanna's room. Now all you have to do is re-carpet and paint Luke's room. And," she added for emphasis, "if you refuse, we will lock the Gamecube in Loanlee's room and tell her not to give it to you for six months."

"Six months!" repeated Sarah, as if it were her receiving the punishment.

Hlìn looked at Sianne, expecting looks of anger and fury, or at least a bit of resentment. Instead she was grinning madly and was rubbing her paws together.

"Sure!" she said happily. "When can I start?"

Hlìn, Blaise and Sarah's mouths fell open.

"Um… now, I guess." Hlìn said, still in mild shock. "The paint and carpeting is in the garage at the moment. Blaise, Sarah and I will help you carry it up and I'll try and find you some brushes. After you've finished we can play on Super Smash Bros. Or something."

"I call dibs on Pichu!" Sarah shouted quickly.

"Young Link!" called Blaise, grinning.

"And I hope this teaches you a lesson, Sianne." Hlìn added sternly. Sianne just carried on grinning madly and evilly at the same time.

After heaving the paint up the stairs, Hlìn shut Luke's bedroom door behind herself, Blaise and Sarah, and they made their way to Hlìn's room and plugged in the Gamecube and played Smash Bros. Melee. Hlìn won, followed closely by Blaise.

Sianne was sitting meditively on Luke's bed, rubbing her nose, trying to make her brain work. She needed a plan… a good plan. She glanced at the paint and carpeting lying untouched at the other end of the room. _Hmm…_

"Can I come in?" came Blaise's voice from the door.

"Sure!" Sianne said, not moving from her cross-legged, paw-on-nose position.

"Uh, Sianne… you've been up here for about two hours and you haven't done anything!" Blaise said, exasperated, looking around the bare room.

"Yes I have! I'm thinking about what colors I should paint the room!"  
"But Hlìn's already given you white paint to do it with!"

"White?" Sianne shouted, leaping off the bed, "White! White is too boring! And Luke is too boring! I need to… jazz his room up a bit!"

"Jazz?" Blaise repeated faintly.

"Yeah! I've been thinking about it all the time I've been up here, and I was thinking… emerald green."

"Emerald?"  
"And magenta!" Sianne said proudly, eyeing the plaster-covered walls like an art critic might look at a masterpiece.

"Well… maybe, to save us time, you could use the paint we already have?" Blaise pleaded.

"I will NOT paint it white! White is too… boring!" Sianne exclaimed, waving her arms around to emphasize the adjectives that were sure to describe the terribleness of 'white' perfectly, but she just couldn't think of.

"Luke likes the color white." Blaise said, wondering why Hlìn couldn't just make Dracoru paint the room and save her all the trouble.

"Luke likes fung-shui." Sianne pointed out bluntly. "Luke is not normal."

"And you are?" Snorted Blaise.

"… Shuddup. Anyway, I thought Hlìn said _I_ was the one who was to paint the room?"

"I came up to check that you hadn't done anything like this to it!"  
"I haven't done anything!"

"You're planning to!"  
"Says who?"  
"You, you fool!"

"Prove it." Sianne said, folding her arms. Blaise threw up her arms in defeat.

"Fine! But when Hlìn kills you for giving Luke a pie-themed room, don't expect me to arrange your funeral!" Blaise shouted before exiting the room.

Sianne gazed at the blank walls with sparkling eyes.

"A pie theme, eh?"

Sianne poked her head around the corner of the house, checking to see if anyone was looking. Seeing nobody, she darted around to the front garden, humming the theme tune to _Mission: Impossible_. Then she ran down the gravel path and leapt over the gate at the foot of the driveway. Then, after making it around the corner, out of view from all the windows in the house, she grinned evilly and took out a Pokéball.

"Rigar, go!" she whispered, throwing the ball in the air. From it, in a burst of light came a Xatu belonging to Alex, a friend of Dannichu's that Sianne had presumably gotten from the Storage System. Rigar had a skeptical look on his face and a wing stuck out at a slightly odd angle. "Rigar, can you do me a favor?" Sianne asked.

"Um, what kind of favor?" Rigar said suspiciously.

"Can you teleport me to Lilycove? Anywhere is good, I just need to… pick up a few things."

"Why?"  
"I'll explain later," Sianne promised. Rigar sighed before closing his eyes and both he and Sianne were teleported about five miles away from The Lair of Insanity, where Sarah was still losing horribly to Hlìn.

"Do you really think it was a good idea to let Sianne be in charge of redecorating Luke's room?" Sarah asked before flinching as a Shadow Ball attack from Hlìn's SSBM Mewtwo sent her Pichu flying off stage. Blaise sighed, having missed the beginning of the game due to her 'conversation' with Sianne.

"I think so. It should teach her a lesson, to show her the effort it takes to rebuild rooms." Hlìn said, smiling at the score displayed on the television screen, confirming her inevitable victory. "I think she thinks they remake themselves."

"You only won that because I grabbed a Headless Hammer." Sarah said, "But I guess you're right. I really hope she does it properly… I'm scared she'll do something outrageous…"

Blaise decided not to tell Hlìn what Sianne had said, since she had a very short temper and, much as Blaise found Sianne noisy or tedious at times, she didn't want her reduced to a pile of smoldering ashes.  
"Relax; she'll be fine." Hlìn said calmly, taking out the disk from the Gamecube and putting it back in its case. She then turned on the N64. "Stadium?"

"You're on!" Sarah and Blaise shouted in unison, grabbing their controllers from the floor.

"_Dum dum, dum dum dum dum, dum dum dum, dum dum dum, dum, du-du-du-du… du-du-du-du…_" murmured Sianne, humming the tune to _Mission: Impossible_ again, while being greatly weighed down with numerous bags. She poked her Raichu face around the wall separating the small country road from the Lair of Insanity's garden, once again checking to see if there was anyone who might see her drag her 'required utensils' inside the house and up to Luke's room. She looked in all the windows and saw nobody looking out of any of them so she assumed the coast was clear. She recalled Rigar into his ball and then darted suspiciously over to the back door, slipping in noiselessly.

"Ha!" Sarah shouted triumphantly, leaping off Sianne's beanbag in elation, "I WON!"

"_After_ we thrashed you about twenty times…" Hlìn pointed out, sharing a 'look' with Blaise, who smiled good-naturedly.

"D'you think we should go and check what Sianne's done to Luke's room yet?" Sarah asked,

"Yeah, okay." Said Blaise, silently praying that whatever Sianne had done wasn't permanent. "Okay, Hlìn?"

"Sure." Hlìn agreed, rolling up the controller's wire and turning off the N64. "She should be done by now."

Sarah, Blaise and Hlìn walked out of the living room and went upstairs to see what on earth Sianne had done to Luke's room. However, they were walking along the second floor when they bumped into Nwacha and Sparky.

"Oh, hi guys." Sparky said, "the new plumbing system is being installed fine! It should be working by tonight!"

"That's good." Sarah nodded. "Are you okay after what happened this morning, Nwacha?"  
"Yeah, I'm fine," Nwacha said, "It's amazing I haven't built up an immunity to electricity, the number of times Sianne's Thunderbolted me. Which reminds me, has Sianne redecorated Luke's room yet? I heard you talking about it last night and I was a bit… dubious that she would."

"You know, it's really weird," Hlìn explained, "she didn't complain at all. In fact, she seemed happy about it."  
"It's very suspicious." Blaise added.

"It is…" Nwacha nodded slowly. "Well, you gave her the job just after we took the plumbers upstairs, so she should be done by now."

"Yeah, we were just going to check and see how much she's done when we met you." Sarah said, "Do you wanna come and faint when you see whatever she's done to it? I'm not sure what I'll be more surprised at; whether she paints the entire room luminous pink or if she actually does it properly."

"Sure!" Sparky agreed, and the five friends walked with slight apprehension up to Luke's room, on the fourth floor, wondering what on earth Sianne had done to the room.

They reached Luke's room just in time to see Sianne close the door shut, with her on the outside, grinning widely at the five Pokémon standing staring at her as if she was mad. Which, of course, she was.

"I've FINISHED!" Sianne exclaimed, the way Newton probably shouted "Eureka!" after inventing gravity. Um… discovering. Ahem.

"So you've coated the walls twice, like we told you?" Hlìn asked, making sure.

"Yup!"

"And carpeted the floor?" Hlìn checked.

"Yes, I have!" Sianne said, sounding ever-so-remotely hurt that her friends had so little faith in her. Her friends failed to care, as it was for good reason that they didn't have complete faith in her nonexistent normality. "Do you wanna see?"

"That's the reason we're here, Sianne." Nwacha said in a voice tinged with sarcasm.

Sianne blinked.

"He means yes, we do." Sparky said quickly.

"Great! It took ages to get it just right, but now you can prepare to be awestruck by my amazing artistic talent!" Sianne announced, turning the door handle and flinging the door open. Unfortunately, she flung it open with a little too much vigor, causing the door to bounce off the wall and slam back in Sianne's face, knocking her over.

Hlìn, Sarah, Blaise, Sparky and Nwacha just stared at the crumpled Raichu on the floor in a strange mixture of disbelief, pity, sorrow, regret and skepticism. Mostly skepticism.

"Um…" Sianne said, picking herself up off the floor before grinning widely once more, "Let's try that again, shall we?" She opened the door grandly while doing a disturbingly accurate impression of a drum roll.

They stared.

And stared.

And stared some more.

Sparky felt weak.

Sarah felt nauseous.

Blaise's jaw dropped open.

Nwacha rolled his eyes.

Hlìn looked like she wanted to kill something. Or, more specifically, someone. Preferably a Raichu going by the name of Sianne.

"TADA!" Sianne exclaimed, as if the entire room were a masterpiece that Picasso, Gough and Dali would have turned green with envy upon seeing.

"Sianne…" Sarah said weakly, "Is that on the wall what I think it is…?

"Yes! On these very walls are mushed, flattened and varnished precisely fifty-three-and-a-half blueberry pies!" Sianne exclaimed with relish.

"You… _varnished pies to the wall_?" Hlìn repeated weakly.

"Yup!" Sianne said proudly, closing her eyes in admiration for her work.

"I can't believe… this…" Sarah murmured, looking as if she were about to pass out.

"It would have been fifty-four, but I got hungry." Sianne said grandly, indicating to the purple smear around her mouth.

"Sianne?" Sparky asked timidly.

"Yeeees?"

"What is that on the floor?" he said, pointing.

"Oh, the floor! The floor, the floor, the floor!" Sianne said, hardly able to contain her excitement. "As you can see, I carpeted the floor with-"

She paused for effect. Nwacha rolled his eyes again.

"PHILADELPHIA CHEESE!" Sianne shouted, indicating to the pasty-yellow mush covering the floor. "Fresh today!"

"It may be fresh today." Nwacha pointed out, while Sarah and Hlìn leaned against one another to prevent themselves from losing consciousness, "But come tomorrow the entire house will stink of putrefied Philadelphia cheese!"

"Until then!" Sianne said, walking into the room and getting her feet coated in the gooey substance.

Hlìn looked piteously at the scene before her.

"I think I'm going to cry."

"Why? Don't you like it?" Sianne asked.

"Do I like it? _Do I like it?" _Hlìn repeated, "No, I do not! It may not have occurred to you, but maybe Luke doesn't _want_ a pie-and-cheese-themed bedroom…"

"Nonsense! Who wouldn't?"

"Um… Luke?" Blaise said helpfully.

"What does Luke have to do with this?"

"Grahhh!" Hlìn shouted. Nwacha made a mental note to look up "grahhh" in the dictionary at the next chance.

"Well, Luke definitely won't want this room." Sparky said quietly, looking up at the pie-encrusted walls.

"So what can we do?" Sarah asked, "He'll have to go and live with Dracoru or someone for a while"

"I have an idea." Nwacha said suddenly, causing everyone, including Sianne to look up. "How about we just make Sianne take everything off the wall and floor, and then just either paint it ourselves or hire somebody to?"

"Yeah!" Sparky chimed in, "Maybe we could ask those plumbers to do it!"

"Okay, Sianne?" Hlìn asked, turning to face Sianne, "you take everything off the wall and floor and we'll repaint it ourselves, okay? All you have to do is take it off the walls. I'm sure not even you could mess that up."

"Don't be so sure." Sarah said, eyeing Sianne, "Sianne can mess anything up if she puts her mind to it."

"My sentiments exactly!" Sianne said enthusiastically.

Nwacha and Hlìn sweatdropped. "Why me?" They said simultaneously.

"Now, if you would a-pass me that there…" said one of the plumbers to his younger brother, from his rather small place between two walls, trying to reinstall a new pipe. As his brother handed him the spanner, two Pokémon entered the room, one sitting on the other's head.

"Hello," said Nwacha, looking at the pile of old (and semi-destroyed) pipes on the floor, "I see you're doing a good job."

"I didn't think even Sianne's Thunderbolts were capable of doing this…" Sparky commented.

"Are you nearly finished?" Nwacha asked.

"Yes, we should be done after we get-a this pipe in place" the plumber dressed in red said, passing the final pipe to the one dressed in green, who was slim enough to fit in the gap. "Why?"  
"Well, we were wondering if you did painting along with plumbing." Nwacha said.

"Yes, we do painting occasionally; is there something you need us to paint?"

"Well, yes. See, we would be very grateful if you could help us repaint one of the house's bedrooms. It was very recently the subject of a… um…" Nwacha struggled to find word to describe the new state of Luke's room.

"Fiasco" Sparky put in helpfully.

"Yes, and it could really do with painting. Would you be able to help us out?"

"Yes, we will be up as soon as we a-clean up here!" said the red plumber in his Italian voice, putting away a screwdriver into a box of tools. "Just give us a minute or two and then a-lead the way!"

A little later, the combined effort of Sarah, Blaise, Hlìn, Sparky, Nwacha, the Mustachioed Men, Sianne (to a certain extent), and also Hypello, Souriee and Rebecca had led to the removal of the cheese and pies from the walls and floor. Nwacha had convinced the Swinub, Jolteon and Pikachu to come and help, but Kerrigan had refused, arguing that it might 'mess up her fur', while Terra was out flying somewhere with nearly everyone else. They had also agreed that it was best to keep everything that had occurred a secret from Luke. They had then brought up numerous paintbrushes, rollers and other painting implements and began to set to work repainting Luke's room. Sparky was sitting on Hlìn's head, reaching up and painting the ceiling, while Souriee and Hypello were painting lower down the wall. Sianne was attempting to be a Smeargle by dunking her tail in the tins of while paint and then wipe it over the wall, creating a very bumpy effect. Nwacha made it his business to follow Sianne and 'touch up' the lumps of paint she had unceremoniously left splattered over the wall. After about half an hour later, the first coat of paint had been layered onto the wall and everyone stepped back to admire his or her handiwork. Nwacha went downstairs to make some cups of tea, while Becky and Souriee were trying to keep Sianne from wrecking the room in one way or another.

After coating the wall a second tile and then leaving it for a while, allowing it time to dry, Nwacha and Hlìn told the plumbers that they were no longer required, however, their help had been greatly appreciated.

"Thank you so much for your help, with both the plumbing and the painting." Nwacha told them, after Hlìn had paid them a large amount of Credits.

"You are a-welcome" the one dressed in green said, and then both plumbers took their toolkits out to the garden and rode away on their little dinosaurlike creatures.

"So what's left to do now?" asked Becky after Nwacha and Hlìn had come upstairs, and Sparky and Souriee had been sent to get the carpet, which was in the basement to prevent it from getting splattered with paint.

"Not much, all we've really got to do is wait for it to dry-"

"-which should take only another fifteen minutes-" Hypello cut in.

"-and then we just lay out the carpet and move all of Luke's stuff back into his room from Sarah's."

"Yeah, but that could take hours in itself" Sarah pointed out, "you know Luke, everything has got to be in its correct place and things. Heck, the Zangoose doesn't like his _dust_ disturbed."

"I know; that was the main reason he didn't really want Sianne to redecorate his room," Hlìn admitted, "that and his goodness of nature. But we'll get everything back in place, don't worry."

"Hey! Can you let us in please?" came a shout from behind the door. Sarah opened it and was greeted by the sight of Sparky and Souriee struggling under the weight of a large rolled-up carpet. Hlìn picked it off from their shoulders and they both breathed a sigh of relief.

"Okay, we just need to roll this out. It shouldn't be too difficult, but there's that bit at the other end of the room, where Sarah's room kind of juts in." Hlìn said, "if everyone can come over to this side, and then we roll it out, it should be okay."

Everyone followed her instructions, save for Sianne who simply leaped up and grabbed the light fixture, which didn't have a lampshade on, which made painting the ceiling much easier. She just swung from it and, aside from nearly kicking Hlìn in the back of the head, just watched everyone. They all pushed the carpet, unrolling it, and then eased it into the difficult corners. Then they walked around on it for a bit, wearing it into place. Then, Hlìn, Becky and Nwacha, the three strongest, carried Luke's bed into his room and put it into place. Then the smaller Pokémon carried in his smaller possessions and put them carefully where they were before. This was especially difficult as Luke had a number of small glass ornaments that had to be arranged in a certain way, as well as his purple with gold embroidery velvet bean cushion that he made himself, which was his prize possession has to be put in exactly the right spot in the far corner of the room. Also was his meditating rug, a small mat where he went to concentrate whenever the house became too noisy (more often than not because of Sianne) or if his 'ex-eye', as he called it, began hurting him. There was also his extensive collection of candles, which were almost always lit (though he blew them out at night to prevent them becoming a fire-hazard), and had to be put in a certain order, such as the nicest-smelling, then the most colorful and the tallest, each symbolizing something different.

A couple of hours later, after they were _sure_ they had put everything in the exact places, Rebecca and Hypello went down into the living room to go and get Luke.

"Luke!" Hypello called, "We- I mean, Sianne has finished doing your bedroom!"

"Yeah," Becky agreed, "she sent us down to get you."

"That's good," Luke said, though he didn't really believe that Sianne had done it all by herself. Aside from Sianne being unable to keep herself from destroying the room, the Swinub and Jolteon were both covered in paint. Putting in his bookmark to save his page, Luke carried his book upstairs with Hypello and Becky following, "she did do it… right, didn't she?"

"Yeah, we kept a close eye on her, and helped put all the stuff back in," Becky said carefully, "we did our best to make sure it all went back into the right places."

"And nothing got broken," Hypello reassured.

"That's a relief." Luke said, opening his door.

He was greeted by Nwacha, Blaise, Sparky, Hlìn, Souriee, Sarah and Sianne, all covered from head to toe in paint, looking anxiously for his reaction to his 'new' room.

"Wow." Luke managed to say, looking around. He could instantly see where things were out of place, but he could rectify those later, and he wanted his friend to know that he appreciated what they had done. "It's great!" he exclaimed sincerely.

"Well," Hlìn decided to just forget telling Luke that Sianne had done it all, as they were all covered in paint, but she still 'omitted the truth' of the fiasco with Sianne's idea of 'house improvement', "we gave Sianne a little help."

"I think the pies looked better," Sianne said, still hanging from the light, which now had its white lampshade back on.

"What pies?" Hlìn asked, covering up.

"The pies I-" Sianne began

"Yes, we know you ate a lot of pie, but Luke doesn't need to know that." Sarah said quickly.

"And you even tinted the walls blue." Luke said, looking around, "My favorite color."

"Blue?" Hypello, Hlìn and Nwacha chorused, staring at the walls. Then they noticed that the blue from the blueberry pies had turned the white an extremely pale shade of blue. Ah well; as long as Luke liked it.

"Did we put everything back in the right places?" Hypello asked, looking anxiously around at all of Luke's paintings of wild Pokémon (part of his fung-shui) hanging from his wall, and the ornaments decorating his windowsill and large bookshelf.

"Yes," Luke said sincerely, "well, there are a couple of things that I can do later, but you did an amazing job, what with all the things I have."

Everyone (save for Luke and Sianne) breathed a sigh of relief. Then they all left the room. Luke gave them all a final goodbye and Sarah pulled Sianne down from the light before she bounced down and knocked over a candle or something.

"Whew… that turned out really well, didn't it?" Hypello said to Sarah after they were out in the hallway.

"Yeah," replied the Swinub, "especially with the blue thing."

"Now Sianne…" Hlìn said sternly, "It was probably my fault for making you paint his room in the first place, but…"

"Don't _ever_ decorate _anything_ ever again." Sarah finished.

"Yeah." Hlìn agreed, laughing. "For the good of all of ours' sanity."

"Or your lack thereof." Rebecca added.

"Whee!" Sianne squealed, hanging from the hall light, not listening, let along understanding what her friends were saying. All she knew was that painting and decorating was fun and she wanted to do it again as soon as possible…

---End of Chapter 5---


	6. Apocalypse Later

**A/N: **It's been MONTHS since I've updated this! But with writer's block, my computer crashing and exams, I really haven't has either the time or energy to write. I'm really, really sorry. Plus, when I go back to school in September, I really don't think I'll have much time. I'll just have to get as much done as I an during the summer…

**Dedication:** To whoever is reading this now, since it has taken me so long to update, you deserve a dedication for being so patient I'm sorry…

**Disclaimer:** I don't own a computer that actually works, for the love of pie! Am I likely to own the legal rights to Pokémon?

**--Apocalypse Later--**

She could feel her own heartbeat, pulsing so loudly she worried that it would alert her prey to her presence.

Moving almost fluidly, she lifted one paw into the air and moved it forwards before placing it silently back on the ground. She let her body weight fall back on it and twitched her tail, now fully balanced.

A slight gust of wind ruffled her fur slightly, not failing to send a shiver down her spine. She was, however, relieved that the breeze came from the east, and would therefore not carry her scent toward her unsuspecting victim.

She took another cautious step forward and saw her prey not three meters in front of her, still blissfully unaware of the almost certain doom that was sneaking its way nearer and nearer.

Taking a deep breath, she let adrenaline pump through her body, sending her heartbeat into overdrive and making the fur all along her back stand on end in sheer anticipation.

Suddenly but silently, she reared up onto her hind legs, every muscle in her body tensed. With a primal roar, she lunged at her helpless prey, soaring through the air, her eyes fixated on her target…

"Hi Sianne."

Onett neatly sidestepped the Raichu's attack, causing her to skid across the lino of the kitchen floor and crash ungracefully into the fridge door, dislodging a number of fridge magnets and causing a vast number of telephone messages to float down on her crumpled body.

"How did you…?" Sarah asked, helping her friend up and brushing Post-Its off her, while Onett the Espeon used his psychic powers to re-affix Dannichu's large collection of fridge magnets, most of which bore random quotes such as "Save the Earth – it's the only planet with chocolate".

The Espeon replied by causing a magnet which read "Don't try and understand me – just love me" zoom around Sarah's head a few times before levitating it above Sianne's head and dropping it.

"Oh yeah…" Sarah said, sticking the magnet back on the fridge door. "Your ESP."

"Evil pie.." Sianne muttered darkly, glaring daggers at Onett before grapping a packet of Froot Loops from the sideboard and running into the dining room with it, cackling maniacally, Onett and Sarah in chase.

Bansra the Linoone and Rebecca the Jolteon were already at the large dining room table (dubbed 'Noctowl' by Rabid Psycho, who loved naming inanimate objects), and eating their breakfasts of peanut butter on toast and boiled Chansey egg when Sianne burst in, clutching a cereal packet and leaving a trail of Froot Loops in her wake. The demented Raichu leaped into a chair and poured the remaining contents of the cereal packet over her end of the table and proceeded to pick them up using her mouth, one by one.

The Jolteon and Linoone exchanged looks of disgust before both bursting out laughing. Sianne paused and looked up, both cheeks full of cereal, before resuming her rather slurpy activity.

Sarah and Onett entered the room to see Rebecca and Bansra dying of laughter, Sianne with her mouth nearly bursting with cereal and an unappetizing mix of Froot Loops and Raichu drool all over the table.

"Hygienic." Onett commented, shaking his head in despair. He and Sarah went over to the table and sat down, Sarah in a somewhat normal chair, Onett in one of the special chairs that Dracoru had made for the quadruped members of the adopted family.

"Wook!" Sianne shouted ecstatically, showering everyone with chewed-up cereal, "two shtuck togever!"

Amazed at her discovery, the Raichu leaped out of her chair and onto the table and held up the mutant Froot Loops for all to see.

"Get off the table, Sianne." Rebecca warned. "You know how Dee gets when you do that."

"It's bad enough that you've salivated all over it." Bansra added, taking her empty eggcup into the kitchen. "I'll bring out a cloth to wipe it up with before she comes down."

"She's so hygiene-obsessed, that sister of ours." Rebecca sighed to Onett, as Sianne hopped off the table and began picking out random cereal particles that had become embedded in her feet during her escapade onto the table, never letting go of the Siamese twin Froot Loops.

"She has a point, though." said Onett, twitching his forked tail in frustration.

"Come on; what she doesn't know can't hurt her." assured Bansra, re-entering the room armed with a dishcloth and cleaning solvent, wiping all the drool off the table.

"That's what they say in movies," said Sarah thoughtfully, "right before the person they're talking about walks into the room."

Everyone jumped slightly as the door opened and through it entered Deanna the Vaporeon, who took one look at everyone's guilty faces before looking very wary. "What is it?" she asked, as Bansra scuttled guiltily back into the kitchen with as much subtlety as she could.

"Nothing" Onett replied, lying perfectly, displaying a totally calm face without a cloud of worry in his deep purple eyes.

"What are you hiding?" Deanna asked, still eyeing everyone suspiciously, "Has Sarah mutated the cabbage again?"

"Hey!" said Sarah indignantly.

"I've told you before; Sarah's experiments are totally safe." Onett said, defending his experiment-loving friend.

"Unless you're Nwacha," Rebecca giggled, "trapped in the airing cupboard for three hours!"

"That was an honest mistake." Sarah admitted. "I've apologised for that more than once."

Realizing that the Vaporeon was now safely distracted, Onett decided to go and make himself some breakfast, while Sianne continued to amuse herself by putting the Froot Loops box over her head and singing loudly.

Blaise was sitting in her room, playing Pokémon Pinball: Ruby and Sapphire on her much-loved Charizard-styled Gameboy Advance SP. She was doing very well, nearly beating her hi-score, and glaring at the screen while pressing buttons as if they were providing the oxygen she breathed, while her head and back flames were the size of bonfires. She was also yelling rather loudly to her game.

"Graa… go into the Wailmer's mouth, you stupid little ball! No, not the Shroomish! THE WAILMER! GRAHHH! No, not the Pelliper either! Bring back my ball you stupid pelican thing! Yes, now into the Wailmer… NO! Not down the Pikachu lane! Ack! No saver! NOOOOO!" she moaned, dropping to her knees as her last ball fell down the little alley, causing her game to be over. "Die, stupid game!" the Quilava yelled, hurling her Gameboy onto her fireproof bed, where it bounced off, landing lightly on the floor. She then sat on her bed, fuming.

"I was _so close_! So close that time! All I needed to do was catch it…."

Her ramble was cut short by a knock on the door. "Who is it?" she snapped, still fuming.

"It's Wilber," came the voice, rather timidly, "there's one pitta bread left; I thought you might want to come down and have it before Sianne gets her paws on it."

Blaise got up from her bed and walked over to the door. "Sorry about that." she said, halfway between a blush and a grin (a blin?), "Yeah, I could use some breakfast." With that, she and the abnormally fat Pidgey made their way downstairs.

"Pinball?" Wilber asked, once all of Blaise's flames had died down.

"You got it." she grinned.

"I just can't start the morning without –"

"A decaf liberally laced with milk and ice, right?" Terra giggled as Agni looked over her coffee at the Flygon.

"How do you know?" she asked, looking shocked.

Terra laughed. "You have the same thing every single morning, dearie."

"Yeah well… I can't stand hot coffee. Or lots of caffeine. But it's still just what I need in the morning."

"Agni… you might not have noticed… but you're a Flareon."

"So?"

"I've never heard of a Flareon who doesn't like hot things."

Agni put her large mug back down on the table. "Yeah, but since when has anyone in the house done anything normal and in-fitting with their species? I mean – how far did you fly this morning?"

"Fifteen miles…" Terra blushed slightly, "each way…"

"Point proven." Agni grinned as she took another sip of her coffee.

"You're up early, Loanlee." Souriee greeted as the withdrawn Marowak shuffled into the kitchen, where Sparky and Nwacha were helping Luke fry some mushrooms and home-grown tomatoes. Loanlee ignored her and carried on walking straight into the kitchen, where she put two waffles in the grill and slumped emotionlessly against the larder while they were cooking.

"Sheesh, she's not a morning person, is she?" Souriee commented to nobody in particular.

"She's not an anytime person, really." Rebecca said, watching Loanlee glare coldly at her waffles.

"She normally gets up later, to avoid everyone rushing to the table for breakfast." said Nwacha, who was wearing a chef's hat that Sparky had put on his left ear. "Best to just leave her alone. Tomatoes anyone?"

"I love fried tomatoes!" gasped Bansra, rushing over and grabbing a plate, while Nwacha used a fish slice to serve some, while Bansra drooled happily. "They were cooked completely separately to the mushrooms, yes?"

"Of course." Luke said.

"What's wrong with mushrooms?" Souriee asked, serving himself a plateful of them.

"I have allergies."

"There you go." Nwacha said, putting a third fried tomato onto the baby Linoone's plate.

"Thanks!" she said, before rushing over to the table, which was rather busy, and sitting down and began shovelling the tomatoes into her mouth and a frightening speed.

"You'll choke." Hlìn said, looking over her newspaper to watch Bansra.

Rebecca wrinkled her nose, "How can you eat them just like that? Vegetables are horrible even with stuff, but just disgusting on their own!"

"Tomatoes are fruits." said Hlìn and Onett at the same time.

"Whatever." Rebecca shrugged, before helping herself to some toast, onto which she began spreading peanut butter.

"Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, and wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad." said Souriee wisely, through a mouthful of mushroms.

"Where'd you get that from?" Dracoru asked, sipping coffee.

"What? Oh, it's off one of Dannichu's fridge magnets." the Pikachu explained, dashing off into the kitchen and reappearing with a small magnet. "She says she has one for every occasion."

"And I'm inclined to agree." Dracoru commented, "She's got to have over a hundred of them."

"At least." said Luke, bringing a large plate of vegetarian sausages to the table, "They're all over the fridge, the dishwasher, the washing machine, the radiators…"

"Sianne's head…" Sarah laughed, casting her mind back to earlier that morning.

A little later, while everyone was still either eating their breakfast, reading a newspaper of some kind or clearing up, Sarah entered the dining room, wearing laboratory goggles on her forehead, holding a large box and looking immensely proud.

"Look!" she said, causing everyone at the table to turn their heads. She opened the box and took out a large lump of Swiss cheese with small tentacles. "I present to you… Brillig cheese!"

There was a mixed response from the table, some looking interested, others looking incredulous and Nwacha looked a tad scared.

The cheese jumped out of Sarah's fin-hand and began walking over the table sideways, like a crab, using its little blue tentacles. "It has been especially designed with my new species of Brillig cells so it can't mutate anything it comes into contact with, so there's no danger of a repeat of Monday!" she assured the more dubious Pokémon.

Everyone at the table and those in the kitchen gathered around the cheese to have a closer look. It was, without a doubt, an amazing piece of work, and everybody knew that Sarah spent a lot of effort trying to perfect her mutations and tasks of giving sentience to inanimate objects.

Suddenly, the light fixture, complete with Sianne, fell to the floor in the kitchen with an almighty crash. This sudden noise caused everyone to jump, especially Blaise, who was in the kitchen at the time. She yelped and her head and back flames suddenly flared up considerably. These flames hit Bansra, who was standing behind her. Bansra shrieked with the sudden pain and ran towards the sink, where she could cool down, but crashed into Deanna, who was trying to use Water Gun on her burns to ease them. This caused her Water Gun to totally misfire and hit Daigree in the face. Daigree was not amused and lunged at Deanna, who dodged, causing the attacking Sneasel's claws to come into sharp contact with Dracoru's back, who reared and roared in pain, lashing his tail, which hit Loanlee in the face. The Marowak tumbled backwards and hit into Rebecca, who was helping Bansra run her tail under the tap in the sink. The Jolteon, upon being hit by Loanlee, discharged a jolt of electricity out of a knee-jerk reaction, which shot up the sink and exploded the tap, the very same tap that Sianne had destroyed earlier that week. Water shot everywhere, including Hlìn's face, who shot a flame out of her nose as she was soaked with painful water. The fire hit the cheese straight on, and melted it into a little pool.

Luke ran over to a draw in the kitchen, took out a large cork and stuck it in the destroyed tap, ending the torrent of water shooting everywhere. All the shouting and screaming stopped. Sarah looked very angry at everyone, before glaring at Sianne, as it was her fault for the chain reaction that had led to the destruction of her masterpiece.

Sianne was sitting in the middle of the kitchen, right next to the broken light. Her fur was totally drenched thanks to the broken tap, but she was grinning happily despite the destruction around her. Sarah couldn't help but laugh. Nothing ever made Sianne depressed. Nevertheless, there was no way she was going to let her best friend get away with what she did, so she did what any Pokémon whose mutant cheese had been destroyed by her mentally deranged best friend would do; she challenged her to a battle.

Now, a Pokémon battle anywhere but the Lair of Insanity would normally consist of two trainers sending out one or two Pokémon and commanding then to perform various attacks and techniques until the opposing Pokémon had fainted. But since when had anything in the Lair of Insanity ever followed the rules of normality? Heck, they only just obeyed the laws of gravity.

Yup, there was only one kind of Pokémon battling in the Lair of Insanity.

Food fights.

Sarah took a step forward and glared at Sianne. Everyone knew what The Glare meant and took their seats at the table, some taking plates which could be used as shields, should the battle get too out of hand. Once seated, in height order (Sparky and Hypello at the front, Terra and Dracoru at the back) to ensure everyone got a decent view, everyone gazed at Sianne to see her response.

Typically, the response to a challenge was to also glare, or back down from the challenge. In the history of battles in the Lair of Insanity, nobody had ever backed down from a challenge, and the battles themselves had become one of the most popular forms of entertainment.

Sianne stood up and kicked the light fixture beside her, obviously trying to kick it out of the way. Unfortunately, it didn't budge, and Sianne's foot suddenly began hurting. So Sianne fried it with a Thunderbolt attack. Once the fixture had been reduced to ashes, Sianne took a step toward Sarah, leaving only a few feet between them, and glared right back, trying to grin and look threatening at the same time. And actually succeeding.

At this point, it was customary for all the spectators to elect a commentator and judge among themselves to ensure there was a fair fight. There were rules that had been laid down, all of which had to be obeyed (though, admittedly, most of them were things like "do not attack the opposing human/Pokémon/Pokémon-human mutation with a chainsaw"), and a referee was always needed in order to keep the battle totally clean. They went into a huddle and, after about three minutes' discussion, Terra was chosen as the referee. The Flygon was normally chosen, due to her love of all sports, understanding of all the rules and quick reactions (enabling her to step in should anything get out of hand).

Standing up, Terra walked over to the kitchen, which was to become the battlefield. All the cupboards and shelves were opened, to provide easy access to the food inside. Terra used her wings to blow away the ashes lying on the floor, that used to make up the light fitting, before reaching up to the top shelf of a cupboard and retrieving a whistle on a string and several brightly-coloured flags from there. Terra placed the whistle around her neck, and retreated to the dining room, standing beside the table. She then held up the green flag and blew on the whistle, the shrill sound signalling the start of the battle.

Sianne moved first, leaping onto the sideboard and grabbing a packet at random. It happened to contain jam tarts. Ripping open the packet, she hurled the tarts at her friend, who dodged about four. One, however, hit her directly in the face. Wiping the jam out of her eyes, Sarah ducked another assault of tarts and army-rolled over to another cupboard and grabbed a bag of self-rising flour. Sarah took a large handful of the flour and threw it at Sianne, blinding her. Using this to her advantage, she grabbed yet another packet off a shelf, this one a jar of piccalilli. Sarah unscrewed the lid as fast as she could, all the time Sianne was rubbing flour out of her eyes, and took a handful of the yellow substance before hurling it at Sianne. The Raichu, however, had by this time regained her vision, and dodged the attack. Sarah took another handful of the piccalilli and feigned a throw at Sianne, causing her to flinch out of reflex. Sarah then threw the gunk at Sianne for real, hitting her directly in the stomach, staining her pure-white belly yellow.

Sianne looked livid, so the reached into the nearest cupboard and grabbed the first thing she could – a tube of jellybeans. Opening the tube of sweets, the poured a few of them into her paw and hurled them at Sarah. The jelly sweets all hit their mark, a couple sticking to the jam still on her forehead, but not doing any real damage and only making Sarah more angry. Darting over to the freezer, Sarah took a packet of frozen peas from the top shelf and ripped them open. She shook the bag, sending them everywhere, but every one of them missed the Raichu. Sianne smirked and darted towards Sarah, armed with a packet of chocolate biscuits, but the frozen peas underfoot were like marbles – she slipped, slid and fell on her face. Sarah laughed triumphantly and ran over to the fridge, careful to avoid the peas, and seized two Chansey eggs. Sianne stood up and threw a few biscuits at Sarah, who dodged most of them, one making contact with her tail-fin, the other hitting her stomach. Sarah retaliated by throwing an egg at Sianne, who ducked to avoid it, but it smacked into the wall behind her, where it exploded and showered Sianne's back with egg.

The Pokémon sitting at the table were all watching with interest, not cheering or making any sort of noise; just watching the battle in total silence. Souriee came downstairs about three minutes into the fight, and silently drew up a chair to the table and began watching without disturbing anybody. Everybody was too transfixed on the flight to even notice.

The battle was getting more intense every moment. Sarah did what was referred to in the house as simply "a Sianne", which was swinging from a light fixture to get from one end of the room to the other. She grabbed the remaining light fitting (the first one had been reduced to dust), swung a few times, let go, landed on top of the oven and reached over to the breadbin. She seized the first thing she grabbed, which was a French stick.

"En Garde!" she yelled, wielding the baguette like a foil. Sianne saw the challenge, dropped the coffee whitener she was holding and grabbed a second French stick. The two mad Pokémon then circled each other, loaves poised. Sianne lunged at Sarah, but Sarah knocked the attack away using her bread stick. They then began swishing the French sticks, using them just as a warrior would use a sword, but suddenly, Sianne's French stick flopped like the stick of bread it was. Sarah laughed triumphantly and lunged at her friend, but Sianne was ready for her. She dropped her broken stick and did a backwards-somersault onto the kitchen sideboard, causing Sarah to hit the wall, breaking her bread in half.

Sianne danced over to where the pasta was kept and took a number of dried spaghetti sticks. Holding them in her left hand, she took one in her right and aimed it like a javelin at Sarah.

"_PPPPHHHFFFTTTT!_"

The shrill screech of a whistle caused the battle to suddenly freeze. Sianne looked over in the direction of the whistle-blowing and saw Terra waving a coloured flag in the air.

"That was _dangerous_!" Terra scolded, "Rule five-hundred and fifty-six: Use NO pasta item that may penetrate the skin!"

"Is that a penalty to Sarah then?" Agni asked.

Terra paused for a moment, replaying all the rules and regulations in her head. "Nope, not this time, as it wasn't a deliberate breaking of the rules. Next time, Sarah gets a penalty though. Okay?"

"'Kay…" Sianne said, looking disappointed. Terra took all the long pieces of spaghetti out of her hand. Souriee then took them, put then in a saucepan of water while the battle was still paused and put the pan on a tripod over Hlìn's tail flame. The Charizard stared.  
"What?" Souriee said, stirring the pan, "I haven't had any breakfast yet."

"Everyone ready?" Terra asked, shooting a sideways glance at Souriee, "Then let the battle resume!"

Now that Sianne was weaponless, Sarah used this to her advantage and ripped the lid off her tin of maple syrup. She dipped her hand into the sugary syrup and smeared it all down Sianne's back. Sianne glared and shook her new weapon; a can of aerosol cream. She sprayed it at full force at Sarah, who tried to dodge, but wasn't quick enough, resulting in the Marshtomp getting coated in the artificial cream. Sarah retaliated by throwing another handful of maple syrup at Sianne, which hit its mark; the top of Sianne's head.

Grinning manically, Sarah then dashed over to the pasta cabinet and seized two handfuls of rice. She threw them both at Sianne, not causing any damage at all, but instead getting stuck to her head and back, as they were covered in sticky syrup. Sianne glared at her friend and seized, from the fruit bowl, a banana. She peeled the banana with lighting speed and darted over to Sarah, leaping on her back. She then mashed it into Sarah's face. While Sarah struggled to get the fruit out of her eyes, Sianne licked her paws. "Mmm… banana…"

Sarah, once able to see again, grabbed a couple of tomatoes from the fridge and threw them both at Sianne. Sianne ducked the first, and it exploded above her head, still splattering her with juice. The other hit her on the arm and burst, shooting juice and seeds everywhere and giving the impression that the Raichu's arm was heavily bleeding.

Sianne ran over to the vegetable cabinet and took out an onion. She then threw it, not at Sarah, but directly on the floor, where it split open. The spectators sat, wondering what was going on, when Sianne seized a large bit of onion and threw it at Sarah using her tail. Sarah caught the onion and threw it aside, before advancing on Sianne. Sianne threw another piece of onion, and another and another, and each time Sarah threw it aside. The rest of the Lair of Insanity's inhabitants were very confused at this point. Then Sianne ran over to where the flour sack lay discarded and threw a handful at her friend. Sarah tried to wipe the flour out of her eyes. She then yelled out in pain. "Ow! My eyes!" As she realized her hands were covered in onion juice. Terra was about to call a penalty before realizing that Sianne had not done anything directly against the rules. Yelling, Sarah washed the onion off her fins using the utility room tap (the kitchen one had been destroyed), as special attacks were prohibited.

In the time it took Sarah to clean her eyes and fins, Sianne had dashed over to the freezer and seized a tub, this time containing toffee and fudge ice cream. Rebecca gasped at the thought of her beloved ice cream being thrown around, but she didn't say or do anything.

Sianne took a handful of the ice cream and hurled it at Sarah, which hit her straight in the belly, the force and coldness causing her to double over. Sianne hurled another dollop at her friend, much to Rebecca's horror, but Sarah dodged it with ease, having recovered from the first assault. Sarah seized the first thing she could; an apple out of the fruit bowl. She chucked it at Sianne, who was scooping out yet another blob of ice cream, and it hit her directly on the head. Sianne shook slightly before her eyes rolled and the slumped into the ice cream, unconscious.

Terra blew her whistle and held up a bright yellow flag, signifying Sarah's victory. Deanna rushed over with a Revive and Hyper Potion. She fed the little star-shaped vitamin to the unconscious Raichu and then sprayed her stirring body with the purple aerosol. Sianne sat up, looking miffed at having lost, but otherwise completely fine.

"Woot!" Sarah shouted, punching the air, seemingly unaware that she was completely covered in various foods from her head-fin to her toes. Deanna washed her off using a light Water Gun.

"Meh." Sianne said contemptuously, sticking her tongue out at Sarah.

"And," Terra said, handing Sianne a mop, "as the loser, it's your duty to clean up."

While the rules indeed stated that the loser was to clean up all mess caused by the food fight, this was rarely carried through; everyone helped clean up, as it was too much to ask for one person to clean up the apocalyptic scene caused by the food fight. This was the case, as, after about fifteen minutes of Sianne half-heartedly poking down pies from the ceiling using the mop-handle, Bansra, Hlìn, Souriee and Sarah among others joined in to help clear up. By the early afternoon, they had the kitchen back to the pristine state that it was usually in, if Luke had anything to do with it.

Finally, after about two hours of mopping, wiping, tiding and general cleaning, the kitchen was clean. During the time it had taken, Terra had flown Rebecca over to Lilycove, where they had bought more food to replace the bits that were dripping down the walls. After all the newly-bought food had been put away, Hlìn nudged Sianne towards Sarah.

"What is it?" Sarah asked, confused.

"Go on." Hlìn said, poking Sianne in the back.

"I'm sorry." Sianne said, not looking it.

"Say it like you mean it." Hlìn prompted.

"I'm… I'm sorry." Sianne said, her trademark grin dropping from her face for a second.

"That's okay." Sarah said, "the food fight was fun. And I won! Against you of all people. I never win food fights, and I beat Sianne!"

Souriee looked at Hlìn, expecting to say something about not being a bad winner, but the Charizard was silent. Souriee guessed it was that she thought it okay to let Sarah have her glory, especially since she rarely won anything against Sianne, particularly matches on the GameCube.

"I'll cream you on Melee though!" Sianne shouted in retaliation.

"You're on!" Sarah shouted back, either not understanding what she had just agreed to, or _really_ thinking she was on a roll. Hlìn, Souriee, Bansra and Onett all sat down at the sparklingly clean table with mugs of hot chocolate when, precisely two minutes after Sarah and Sianne had turned on the GameCube, there was a loud Marshtomp cry of "Noooo…", which was nearly drowned out by Sianne's cries of victory.

Souriee stopped blowing his hot chocolate to make it cool faster and looked up, wincing. "If this causes another food fight we've gotta clean up after, I'm destroying that GameCube, no matter how many times Loanlee kills me for it…"

-- End of Part 6 --


End file.
